Friend came to town who was supportive through last couple weeks. We went out for dinner, he had extremely similar situation to mine about 10 years ago. His wife had an affair for over a year with a co-worker, then his wife told him about OM and asked for divorce. Sad 😢 He did everything differently, chasing her, buying u name it. He really tried to win her hart back, no luck. It was going on for years - then took him years to get back to be OK and move ON. He said he was taking his time because of kids. His ex is still married to AP to this day and STILL insane psycho, still talking sick about him.
He said, based on how fast my ex wife moved on to spend her life with OM, moved out and divorce me, she really hated my guts and I was a horrible husband. THIS really hurt me, really did.
Why some WAS eating cake and stay with S and OM, some just leave and keep AP secret?
He said, based on how fast my ex wife moved on to spend her life with OM, moved out and divorce me, she really hated my guts and I was a horrible husband. THIS really hurt me, really did.
Because every one and every situation is different. Yes there are always similarities, but no two are the same.
What I can tell you is that LBS going through one of those two extremes always thinks the other way would be better. The grass isn't always greener.
Also, this friend has no idea that he is talking about. I'm sure he is trying to be supportive, but you can't judge a LBS based on the actions of a WAS. Yes some of us were terrible spouses, but there are lots of good spouses whose spouse cheated on them and left them.
Bottom line is her reasons for leaving aren't important. What Jq does from this point forward is!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
He said, based on how fast my ex wife moved on to spend her life with OM, moved out and divorce me, she really hated my guts and I was a horrible husband. THIS really hurt me, really did.
Were you a horrible husband?
Probably By far not the best, I did spent a lot of hours at work most of the time, and was working from home on top - but because there was a need for money. Drinking too to unwind. So yes pretty bad if u ask me.
He said, based on how fast my ex wife moved on to spend her life with OM, moved out and divorce me, she really hated my guts and I was a horrible husband. THIS really hurt me, really did.
Were you a horrible husband?
Probably By far not the best, I did spent a lot of hours at work most of the time, and was working from home on top - but because there was a need for money. Drinking too to unwind. So yes pretty bad if u ask me.
So you provided for your family and drank to unwind and that makes you a horrible husband?
Yes, I could of gave her more attention and spent more time. My wife did not work for most of our marriage. No hard liquor. NOW on the other hand she told/saying to everyone and their mother that I am an angry alcoholic and she had to clean up empty beer bottles/cans and Vodka/Whisky bottles. [censored]…
Yes, I could of gave her more attention and spent more time. My wife did not work for most of our marriage. No hard liquor. NOW on the other hand she told/saying to everyone and their mother that I am an angry alcoholic and she had to clean up empty beer bottles/cans and Vodka/Whisky bottles. [censored]…
So you drank a little more than you should have. She is turning it into you were a raging alcoholic and a slob to boot. This is very typical. WASs, and WSs in particular, can turn minnows into whales. It is part of their history rewriting. They are notorious for using phrases like "you never......." or "you always......". They turn to absolutes to justify their actions.
None of that is in your control. This is why I always encourage LBSs to become the best version of themselves they can be. I am a recovering alcoholic, sober for 28 years. So I am pretty anti-alcohol for full disclosure. But maybe quitting is in your best interest moving forward. Up to you to decide, but it is pretty difficult for people to come at you for being an alcoholic if you have gone dry. But whatever you decide the best version of yourself looks like, go out and make that version come to fruition.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
His wife had an affair for over a year with a co-worker, then his wife told him about OM and asked for divorce. Sad 😢 He did everything differently, chasing her, buying u name it. He really tried to win her hart back, no luck. It was going on for years - then took him years to get back to be OK and move ON.
Learn from your friend's experience. Chasing, buying things, pursuing her to win her back didn't work. He spent years trying and years recovering. Don't do the same. Easier said than done, but as fast as you can try to detach and move on and make your life incredible without her. Don't get stuck pining and spinning and depressed for years over someone who doesn't want to be with you. Trust me when we say, we understand what you're going through, and understand it's extremely difficult, but the sooner you get strong, active, and happy with a "Don't Give a F" attitude the better.
Originally Posted by Jq25
He said, based on how fast my ex wife moved on to spend her life with OM, moved out and divorce me, she really hated my guts and I was a horrible husband. THIS really hurt me, really did.
I'd believe she hates you. Her insides are probably turning over what she's doing and she has to justify her actions to herself and to her friends and family, so she blames you for all of her unhappiness. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you deserved it. Your friend perhaps did you a disservice there. It's not always (or often) about the LBS; your W is going through her own issues and working through her own demons right now.
Originally Posted by Jq25
Well she can't say she left a perfectly good husband. How would that make her look?
What LH said. Rarely if ever does the WAS/WS tell her friends and family what a quality guy they're leaving. They make the LBS the bad guy to justify their actions. Now, we don't know you past what you've written on this forum, only you know yourself, but don't take what she says about you as gospel. It's always a balance. There are LBS who really were abusive and deserved to be left but more often there were LBS who weren't perfect but also not nearly as bad as the WAS/WS make them out to be. Do some introspection on the areas you need to improve, but also don't buy into her narrative.
Originally Posted by Jq25
Bottom line is her reasons for leaving aren't important. What Jq does from this point forward is!!
Right. Go out and crush it at life. That's the quickest path to feeling better about your situation.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
