Dink, it is an awful feeling being cheated on. No one I've ever known has ever taken out very well. But if they are damaged, it is because they were damaged before and just didn't realize it. Being so attached to another person, depending on that person for happiness, and just assuming that person will always be there is being damaged. We live in an imperfect world, if they don't cheat and leave you, disease or accident could remove them from your life at any moment. That's why over attachment is so insidious. So you can't blame another person's actions for you being damaged, that's on you.
SteveLW - Can you clarify your statement here? Maybe I'm completely misreading, but It sounds like you're blaming the LBS for being damaged if they're struggling with their spouse's affair and upset and overly attached, not the WS? Yes, we can agree over attachment is an issue and people should not depend on others for their own happiness, but there is a also significant difference between a car accident or cancer death and an affair/divorce. The former does not include the lies, betrayal, continued contact through kids and potentially AP intertwined in their lives.
I was talking mostly about over-attachment being damaged. So I'm not sure what you need me to clarify? Is someone being damaged the fault of a cheating spouse? No. Life is 90% what happens to you and 10% your attitude about it. Death or cheating is out of the LBSs control. Putting in the work necessary to overcome is up to the LBS.
Dink combined being damaged and depression. I purposely separated them in my response. Depression over being cheated on is temporary. Allowing it to damage you can be permanent, but the only way that happens is for the LBS to allow it to paralyze them instead of moving forward.
Last edited by SteveLW; 04/05/2201:58 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
