so after affair discovery why do you guys feel that the LBS always seems to be the one so damaged and depressed ?
Bur the one caught having the affair appears to be fine for the most part? And in your experience, when do you feel the WW or WH starting showing regret or second thoughts about wanting to leave after affair discovery and maybe want to reconcile , or if they do at all?
Dink, it is an awful feeling being cheated on. No one I've ever known has ever taken out very well. But if they are damaged, it is because they were damaged before and just didn't realize it. Being so attached to another person, depending on that person for happiness, and just assuming that person will always be there is being damaged. We live in an imperfect world, if they don't cheat and leave you, disease or accident could remove them from your life at any moment. That's why over attachment is so insidious. So you can't blame another person's actions for you being damaged, that's on you.
Being depressed is usually due to the fact that we thought our WS was one person and we have to have the fact that they weren't who we thought they were. Especially those of us that have idealized our WS. LBHs also have quite a competitive streak when it comes to the thought of the OM. Factoring in that most cheaters affair down. IE the OP is usually not quite the catch that the LBS is. This makes LBHs in particular stew and obsess over why it happened. In reality these things are uber complex and one may never know the reasons, certainly not all of the reasons, that their WW cheated.
Both of these reasons (being damaged and depressed) are why GAL, self-improvements, and detaching are so important. Dink, you've been asked before of you are in IC. I don't remember you answering. You seem to have a bit of avoidant tendencies. Are you in IC? If not get into it immediately. You need help to navigate all of this. This forum can only do so much. Do yourself a huge favor and find a good IC.
As far as the last question, I do not like to address questions like that. First, no one knows. Every WS is different. Some have regrets fairly quickly, some never do. I've theorized that all cheating spouses eventually have regrets, but that's only of they live long enough to regret it! The point is that it is not something you can or should count on. Move forward with your life. If she were to eventually regret it and want to R, then you would have a decision to make. Too be honest, by then, believe it or not, you will probably have no desire to R with her. Chances are you'll have met someone new by then anyway. Besides, you deserve better than someone that cheats on you anyway!
So focus on yourself. Leave her to her own devices. And get busy living an awesome life.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
