So to answer your first question. Loss of control and fear of the future. Although your life and marriage wasn’t likely very good it was familiar. You knew what your life and typical day looked like. Now there’s uncertainty and your brain doesn’t like it so it’s trying to get you to pursue and get control of your life back. With time and space your new life will be your new norm.
To answer your second question she has been planning her escape for likely years so she has already grieved the end of your marriage. Right now she’s getting shots of dopamine from her affair and is convinced she will be moving on and living happily ever after. Rarely the case. I think 5% of people end up marrying their AP though it does happen.
She may show signs of regret in a minimum of 2 years probably more like 5 years. By then my guess is you will have moved on. Some stand but most grieve and move on. The good news is you don’t have to make a decision today.
