Thanks Kind18, you're like the WAS whisperer (or psychic).
Hahaha, that’s total BS SteveLW and LH19 are the real divorce whisperers. They have seen and heard it all before and have an intricate knowledge of the psychology behind both walkaway/wayward spouses and the LBS. Their ability to see through BS is second to none. DNJ is a lighthouse for many with his positive comments, smoothing the worst of the peaks and troughs for those who post in complete despair.
This site has incredible experience, knowledge and advice. Use it wisely!
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I did not respond to him and as it turned out, he ended up staying in the apartment with my son despite whatever fears I had.
This is good for two reasons: 1. You set a reasonable boundary, stuck to it and didn’t get involved in communication games. 2. You can start to see that often as LBSs, we are used to making decisions through fear. This leads us to always ruminate on the “what ifs”, and we spend 99% of energy thinking about the 1% worst case scenarios. Like I said - maybe he’ll be a dick, and maybe he won’t. This time, he wasn’t. Perhaps next time, when you are worrying about it, remember this time how it all went okay.
I see some similarities in you. I think you’d find a lot of value in the following:
Google “YouTube Transactional Analysis Part 1 Ego States and Basic Transactions”
Watch the video.
Watch the Part 2 and 3 videos from the same series.
Have a good long think about your interactions with husband from now on. The comment he made about not being able to help at all in the future… try to relate that to a) him entering child state (which I’m guessing was a regular occurrence in your relationship) and b) him using gimmicks and games to try and draw you into bad transactions.
Once you start to get some objective, big picture visibility over your interactions with him, you can start to apply transactional analysis theory. The key becomes staying in healthy adult for all interactions with him and not responding to games/gimmicks or when he uses child/parent state.
My ex does this all the time, you could set your clock to it. As soon as I see a gimmick, a game (fishing) or she starts moving to child or parent state, I simply say “I’ve made my position clear. This is my boundary.” … and stop communication.
It’s incredibly effective once you understand these concepts, and learn how to break the cycle.
SteveLW and LH19 are the real divorce whisperers. They have seen and heard it all before and have an intricate knowledge of the psychology behind both walkaway/wayward spouses and the LBS. Their ability to see through BS is second to none. DNJ is a lighthouse for many with his positive comments, smoothing the worst of the peaks and troughs for those who post in complete despair.
