H offered to drive me around to go looking at apartments. I made sure to tell him I appreciated it, and offered to buy him some gas.

While we were driving, H asks me if I hate him for the way he did things. (As in, kicked me out of his apartment three months ago.) I told him no, of course not. Did I act like I was still mad? He said I didn't.

The first place we looked at was okay, but gave me a weird vibe. I think it did him, too. It reminded me way too much of the place we lived in before H's current apartment. The cabinets were similar, the layout was similar. H told me I could live wherever I wanted, since he was going to be gone, but I could tell he wasn't comfortable. Which was the whole point of him going along with me to look, anyway.

While we headed to look at the second place, H told me he didn't know how he could have handled things differently. He said he didn't want to do it the way he did. And that he was telling me what was wrong, and I said I understood, but I didn't act like I did. So the only thing left for him to do was show me.

This drives me nuts. I hate it when he makes the whole thing sound reasonable and planned, like he did it on purpose to motivate change in our R. He makes it sound, at times, like he never really intended to leave me. Right. That's why he was telling everyone we were getting a D.

I didn't have a good response. I just nodded along, didn't say anything.

H really liked the second place we looked at. It's a little smaller than what I have now, but it's cheaper, and the place is really nice. Very close to MIL's house. He said, again, that I could live where I want to...but I think it's pretty obvious. I did like the second place a lot, so I'm going to turn in my application later today.

We stopped by MIL's house for a little while, since we were right there, so I could fill out the app. H was talking the whole time about what things of his were going into the apartment--the entertainment center, the king-sized bed. Every time he talks about it, more and more of his stuff is going there. He even talked about setting up his bar in my kitchen...and that's his pride.

We also talked about how we're going to buy a condo or a small repo house after he gets back from basic. I think he's really tired of not having any money. He told me the other day that he was sick of scraping around as a bartender, that he wanted to go to school, and just bartend part-time as a hobby. He's also been trying to shift his sleep schedule to something more normal--he's been going to bed earlier and earlier.

H also mentioned he felt really bad about the fact that I still owed on the lease I had broken to move with him to the apartment he's at now. He said he would help me take care of that as soon as he could.

While we were driving back to pick up my car, H said he was going to miss his friend. I didn't say anything. He asked if that had bothered me, and I admitted it had, but for him not to worry about it. He's too good at reading my body language, even when I'm trying to act like it's okay. (I still hate that girl.)

I went on some errands with him after that. He wanted to pick up some DVD's. I was a little bothered at first--he had made a big deal out of my buying him gas, and he spent more on DVD's. Then I realized that I had said I would buy him gas, for coming to see me all of the time and especially for driving me around earlier. It just reminded me of how he used to buy whatever he wanted, and I always paid all of the bills.

We had taken both cars, him following me. I usually hate to have people follow me--I'm always paranoid of doing something stupid while someone is paying close attention. Yes, a symptom of my insecurity. And it may sound silly, but I didn't even worry when I picked a parking spot about whether or not it was "appropriate."

He was very affectionate the whole time. Commented that he had seen me quite a bit, but hadn't gotten to hold me. Kept walking around with his arm around my waste. Even got so close I was having trouble walking...LOL...something he used to complain that I did.

I offered, again, to help him move if he needed it. He told me that it was okay. I asked if he was trying to avoid getting me around roommate, and he said he was. I told him that made me uncomfortable. He said he just didn't want me giving her any of my evil looks. I said I wouldn't do that, but I understood why he was concerned.

H also asked me, after we left the store, why people thought it was weird that he had the seasons to Friends. He said that he had some people over, and they asked him if the DVD's had belonged to his wife. I told him I didn't know. He said that it was a good show, and that he liked it. I just agreed with him.

We were supposed to go to the gym, but H said he was too tired. He had been tired all day. Said he was just going to go home. I really, really didn't want him to go. I just stood outside leaning on him for a long time. He finally went and got in his car. H could tell I was upset.

He asked me what was wrong, and I just said that I missed him. That I was really getting used to having him around. He told me we would be together all of the time again soon. He then looked at me, and asked if there was something else wrong. I finally admitted there was. He asked what it was. I told him I hated that roommate got to see him when he went to bed, and that she was there when he got up. And that I knew this was all in my head, which was why I didn't want to tell him. He told me he had been with me the last day, and hadn't even seen her for a couple of days. I told him I knew that, that's why I didn't want to say anything. I asked him if he preferred me telling him or not, and he said he'd rather know. He then said he really needed to go, he needed to pack and check on the cats. I told him I would be fine, it was just because he was actually leaving at that moment.

I was too tired to go to the gym myself, but I had already skipped Monday as well, so decided to work out some at home. While I was in the shower afterwards, H called me. I could hear the phone as soon as I turned off the water. I wanted to just run out and grab it, but I am trying to break that habit of jumping all the time to keep him happy. So I tied my hair up and made some hot tea.

I saw that he had called me three times in the maybe 20 minutes I had been in the shower. He even still sounded a little upset when I called him back--said he didn't know why, but he had been worried when I didn't answer. I told him it was okay, I had been kind of anxious, too, the last week. We talked for a little while. He said he was tired, was going to bed as well. I told him to sleep well.

He had left me a vmail. It was kind of rambling, but not too bad--asked me to just at least leave him a message telling him good night. He must have thought I was ignoring him or something when I didn't answer. I sent a response vmail, said ILY, good night, and that I would see him the next day.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]