WW vs MLCer vs WAW

[SteveLW]

Jq, this will probably get merged with your thread because you are supposed to stick with one. But here goes:

Would you expost an affair of your S?

No. Here is why. If you goal is to R at some point, this move will almost assuredly work against you. Now if you do not care about R, then I would still say, while you might get some brief satisfaction out of exposing the affair, in the end it will just make your interactions with you STBXW more problematic. So the short answer is no.

2 things related. First, getting cheated on can be embarrassing. Invariably you will have people judge you, that you must have been at fault somehow. Plus it really isn't anyone else's business. So exposing your S affair can backfire on you.

Second, the truth has a way of coming out. When the WAS starts showing up with the OP, people will start putting 2 and 2 together, so there really is no need to out the affair, it will out itself eventually.

Did you or Didn’t u not when it happened?

I did not. On the advice of anti-D experts I was advised, rightfully, not to discuss my MR issues with friends and family. There are a lot of reasons for this. Briefly, it can be a hinderance to your WAS coming back to the MR (if that is what you want). Friends and family, with the best intentions in mind, will give you AWFUL advice, generally. So discussing her A with others close to the situation is a lose-lose proposition. (Be aware, my W's A was an EA. Not sure it matters in terms of this questions but wanted to disclose that.)

Would you explain to people/family the reason nonsense coming out of XS?

If you follow the advice above, then the answer is no because you won't be the one discussing this with friends and family. However, if you choose to ignore that advice, especially if a WS is badmouthing you to anyone that will listen, then you when it comes up (I still suggest not being the one to bring it up), you can explain that what she is saying isn't true. Note, you can still do that AND not out her affair! We had a great poster here a few years back that had one of the worst WWs we've ever seen. Drugs, alcohol, partying, constantly going back and forth between he and the OM. And lots and lots of accusations on her part trying to tear him down to the point where he started video recording on his phone ALL interactions with her to protect himself. Obviously, this was an extreme case but my point is that people that knew him knew she was full of crap. Do not underestimate the ability of most non-biased people to see through the WS's garbage.

Hope that helps.