WW vs MLCer vs WAW

[BL42]

Jq25,

Wow R will not be possible, no way, you guys can’t even imagine, she is telling people, relatives and family (including the kid) that she is finally free from an extremely abusing relationship (emotional and physical abuse) from non stop fighting and screaming that been going on for years. That’s NOT true, not even small % of what’s coming out of her mouth. Yet she is not telling people that she is in love(including wedding plans) with OM and lives with him when kid not with her….

Where in the WORLD this nonsense coming from? I should be the angry and resentful one for her cheating and divorcing me…..

We don't need to imagine. We've been there. Trust us when we say it's very common for the WAS/WS to blame the LBS for everything wrong in their life, blow the littlest disagreements out of proportion, and claim you were an absolutely terrible spouse including mental abuse even when it's not true.

My now ExW told me after BD I "beat her down for 5 years to the point she was at a '0'". Now our son was 4 and daughter 1 and we had just got back from a wonderful family vacation in Disney World and somewhat recently had a weekend away at a spa resort on a lake for our wedding anniversary, so there were good times in there. You don't know me, but I'm a stand up guy. Fantastic father, good provider, great friend, no perfect but pretty decent husband, no drugs/gambling/abuse...etc. To say I had emotionally abused her and beat her down for 5 years is just objectively false. BUT, that is how she felt and it is (or at least was) her perception.

Your W is rewriting history projecting all her hurts and pains onto you to justify her actions. It doesn't mean how she feels won't change over time.

Read what Core wrote just yesterday in Dink's thread (bold/italics mine):

The way you are, and I did go about it is wrong (listening to woman you are in strife with). If you need to focus on her for a minute then get back to the advice given, then briefly here goes: she is trying to justify what she is doing, she is trying to convince you of harm in the past - if you agree with what happened then she is validated, if you disagree with her then she is validated as it means youre being abusive now in her eyes. You aren't but right now, she is looking at the past in a negative lens and is rewriting history. If Dink was abusive, surely then I am totally justified in the damage I am doing to him, myself and the family. She will look back as long as needed to find justification. When she finds it, no making how small it was, she will make it an issue then lash out at you for it. If she can't find anything in the past to justify her actions, you can be certain she will create the situation to make new reasons. "I just want space and Dink messages me, see how overbearing and controlling he is?" "Dink messaged me asking to split dishes up, see how he wants me to feel hurt and focus on the divorce?". "This is abusive and why I need out". Then her friends validate her.

It's all nonsense, but that is in one shape or form the reality of the situation. Dink the more you contact with her, the more you will be hurt, and the more it's used against you. It's an unwinnable game until or unless her mindset changes. What you can control right now, is Dinks thoughts, actions and to a degree your own feelings.