First, I just want to echo the others about getting your mind off her.
Second, what you may be trying to do is understand what's going on. It's part of the grieving process. You, your body and soul don't want to go through this again so you're doing what any sane person would do - learn how to avoid this again in the future.
The way you are, and I did go about it is wrong (listening to woman you are in strife with). If you need to focus on her for a minute then get back to the advice given, then briefly here goes: she is trying to justify what she is doing, she is trying to convince you of harm in the past - if you agree with what happened then she is validated, if you disagree with her then she is validated as it means youre being abusive now in her eyes. You aren't but right now, she is looking at the past in a negative lens and is rewriting history. If Dink was abusive, surely then I am totally justified in the damage I am doing to him, myself and the family. She will look back as long as needed to find justification. When she finds it, no making how small it was, she will make it an issue then lash out at you for it. If she can't find anything in the past to justify her actions, you can be certain she will create the situation to make new reasons. "I just want space and Dink messages me, see how overbearing and controlling he is?" "Dink messaged me asking to split dishes up, see how he wants me to feel hurt and focus on the divorce?". "This is abusive and why I need out". Then her friends validate her.
It's all nonsense, but that is in one shape or form the reality of the situation. Dink the more you contact with her, the more you will be hurt, and the more it's used against you. It's an unwinnable game until or unless her mindset changes. What you can control right now, is Dinks thoughts, actions and to a degree your own feelings.
God Bless and persevere, Dink.
Last edited by Core; 03/31/2201:40 PM.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
