I don't have the ability or frankly the interest to dig into the why's of this but dang, all I see is a huge red flag. I mean, he sounds like a whole lot of fun - backing out last minute on a really great trip? Oh yeah, sign me up for some of that. I mean, it would be one thing if a true mental disorder would befall someone I'm already committed to and in love with. I would not abandoned them but as KML says, taking on someone with challenges like this... I mean, why? He's not yours to fix. I'd be really, really cautious.
"Massive red flag" may be blowing this out of proportion. kml said this MAY be a sign of extreme social anxiety or OCD, and if so the question is whether he's getting treated. I organize trips--about 20% drop trips they've paid for last-moment due to anxiety! For many, social anxiety is a temporary journey. I dabbled with it for 6mo a few years ago, so I can relate to canceling last minute. I get high event attendance rates via occasional check-ins with participants on their comfort levels.
The book "Attached" discusses ANXIOUS (20%) vs. AVOIDANT (25%) relationship attachment styles. They do poorly in relationships together, but often do well with SECURE (50%) people. As much as I've reduced my relationship anxiety, being in a relationship with someone who's feelz are consistent means I don't feel nor act anxious around my partner.
