G - the fact that you’re not available for a date this week might work in your favor. When CMM and I met online, I was very busy and heading out of town for a medical conference. I couldn’t fit our coffee date in until 3 weeks later. It wasn’t on purpose but I think it actually made him more interested in meeting me.
Hoping this guy turns out to be as nice and attractive in person.
Thank you, but I have a feeling he might have disappeared already. I’m telling you, nothing surprises me anymore. You can be in the middle of a perfectly good conversation one moment and poof the next. We were chatting a bit before I went out Saturday. I sent a picture , I looked nice, and said to save it so he didn’t have to look at bumble for what I look like. Maybe it turned him off, because he said “oh, haha. Have a good time tonight” last I heard from him Saturday night. This morning I asked him how his zucchini bread came out and not a word.
You go back and try to pick apart what you did “wrong”. Everything was flowing so nicely and if my pic was what was wrong, well, then he isn’t the one for me. But it’s so hard to trust any interactions . They can be going so well one second and be done the next. I’m trying to let it all roll off my back. But I will say I was just so much peaceful when not thinking about this stuff and dating. But it was just so nice to finally click with someone.
I’m just so confused about this dating thing. 14 years and nothing to show for it. While I am really yearning for that great emotional connection, I am trying to decide if getting there is worth it or a cheese less tunnel for me, as they say
There is an issue with OLD in that people can be talking to multiple people at once, and sometimes one of those dates has worked out before you get a chance. Sometimes too they are scammers or their wife found out they were online. Don't look at this as someone good you missed out on - more likely it was someone not so good that you are better shed of.
How do you think moving will improve your dating? If there are specific ways, I'd try figuring out how to achieve that where you are. Otherwise moving may not make a difference. You live where there are a lot of people, it's not possible that there isn't anyone suitable to date. So figuring this out now, instead of waiting until you move, will be beneficial.
Again, a guy who seemed interested when you chatted, then ghosts you may just have gone on a date in the meantime and started seeing that woman. But the odds are equally good that you just dodged a bullet. Online dating does take time. But if it's not working for you, how about a Meetup group for singles?
I just think it’s my mindset that needs a huge change of scenery. It’s same old same old for so many years now. A fresh start in a new place is good for the soul and leaving the place you struggled for so long.
It worked for my friend. New state, different people, lucky within a year. That part may not happen for me, but honestly, my state is bringing me down. I want an easier lighter life
Gosh, having that connection and then silence does sound very frustrating. Especially after you sent a picture. It’s so easy to run all these possible ‘where did I go wrong’ sceneries in your head, but try not to do that. There is so much left unsaid in texting, and maybe he just wanted to avoid appearing to available…especially with how busy you appeared to be. It could be anything. And yes, if he does ghost you, then it means it wasn’t a good fit too. Try if you can to stay positive. But mostly just continue to be YOU.
I am also wondering if I should just move to a new state and completely start a new life. I’m about to move into a new apartment and honestly, I have wondered why I just didn’t get a storage unit and go off some place. Ha! But I also realize for me it’s not the best timing, but I am still thinking that a new start elsewhere may be a good idea…at least when I feel I can do it. When the divorce is over and I have a better idea of my finances.
Anyway, wishing you some more fun convos and interesting dates to come. Even if the process is frustrating, there can be some fun parts in the process as well. You are a wonderful, funny, smart, loving, and beautiful person. You may not like all the guys who come your way, but when it’s right, you will know and it will be awesome. Hang in there!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
The problem with online dating is that women are very picky because it is easy for them to get matches. Research shows that women on average match with a guy that has an SMV about two levels higher than them and men have to go down two notches. A guy may swipe right on a woman but eventually the woman has trouble getting his attention because of the disparity in SMV. There is also research that shows that most of the matches are made with 10-20% of the guys. So, the guys that women match with have a lot of choice on who to move forward with. The ones that the woman has a realistic chance with is swept left into oblivion. G, I am not saying your standards are unrealistic but this is generally the case according to many studies. Often, the bias is in the subconscious and influences swiping behavior of men and women without them even realizing it.
I doubt the picture had anything to do with it. It is more likely that he was on the fence and finally decided to move on. If it was indeed the picture, then I would be worried about his mental makeup and block him.
Sorry about the POOF! Some of the reasons we next people are random--like, a 3rd date with someone else goes well, or like when I ghosted a sexy attorney because I didn't feel fireworks during our first coffee date (SHE insisted on a coffee date whereas my other dates were up for fun! And I kinda forgot about her 2nd date request in the stream of incoming messages.) I doubt it was your photos, Ginger, or what you're offering as a partner which sounds like a lot!
