So last night was a pretty good night. We wound up going to the gym together again, but we each did our own thing. It was my day to just bike, and he was in the weight room.

On the drive back, I had a chance to be nagging/condescending, and I didn't do it! We stopped at the bank so I could get some cash. It was late, so there were no other cars. Instead of going all the way around the bank, he drives through the ATM the wrong way--which also conveniently lined me up next to the machine. He commented afterward that I was probably irritated, and that he knew that wasn't the proper way. I told him no big deal, there were no other cars.

Then he asks what I want to eat. I told him some kind of burger. He suggested Sonic, since I had never been there. As we're driving I'm commenting on every place we drive by--so I was hungry. He asked if Sonic was okay, and I said that it was still fine. I've been known to not give an absolute answer on things like places to eat because I want to be flexible for the other person...so I actually picked and stuck with it. Nice change for me. Instead of us going in the circle of "I don't know, what do you want?"

We curled up together for a long time on the couch, watching TV. I had really missed that. He needed to go meet some people, but I could tell he didn't want to leave. But he did tell me he would come back later, if he could.

After he left, I sent him a vmail (w/o calling, since I didn't want to interrupt) telling him goodnight and ILY.
I decided to wear something he would enjoy if he came back over.

H came back after I had been in bed a couple of hours. He was definately appreciative, but didn't initiate ML. He did ask me to come with him into the front room while he watched TV and ate. We used to do this all of the time, before.

After we went back to bed, we were kind of fooling around, and he said that he was interested. I took that as a cue and initiated, but I had a sore throat and it hurt for me to continue. He was too sleepy to do much else on his own, so we just curled up to sleep. I actually wasn't disappointed, like I would have been normally, probably because we've been pretty active. No bad feelings for me, no bad feelings for him. Definite progress on this front. H tends to initiate much, much more now that I don't bring it up or start things first or flirt nearly as heavily. He definately likes to take the lead in this department--which works out fine for me, since I haven't felt deprived in a quite some time.

He asked me if I liked all the affection (physical) that I was getting, and I told him that I did. It doesn't always have to be ML, but I really respond to touch. He promised he would continue to give me more affection.

I had been wanting to reassure him, because I could tell he was still feeling guilty. So I brought up that I had thrown out the past and that whole thing. And I brought up my raging jealousy. It turned out to not be the best idea. I had really been trying to reassure him that he wasn't doing anything wrong. But when I asked him if he felt better, he told me no. Guess it didn't matter what I said. I'm going to just drop the subjects--I think, no matter what I say, it just makes him think about his mistakes and feel guilty. So I'm going to completely drop these subjects, unless he wants to talk about them. That way we're not revisiting the past if he's not prepared. Just plain old validating seems to work best.

I've also figured out the probelm of feeling pressured to things (favors like fixing the comp) when H asks me to. I don't have to agree to unreasonable demands, or feel like he'll be mad at me if I don't. I'm sooo glad to have taken care of that.

There are still some problem areas, ones that were always there in the M. I have figured out that I am a complete nut (probably OCD) about things being where they belong. Toothpaste, remote, cars going through the ATM drive the right way...anything "against the proper order" drives me crazy. So clothes left out or dishes not in the dishwasher--even keys not put in the little bowl every time make me batty. I have no idea how to handle this. I want him to pick up some, but obviously the problem is beyond just that and gets into my own obsession with things in the right place.

This kind of goes along with the last one--and that is I hate it when he leaves all the lights on. When he's running from one room to another, he'll just leave them on. I asked him to not do it, but it doesn't seem to help. Need a better strategy....

I'm going to focus on those two for now. The others can wait, since we're not living together for awhile. But I need to think of some different approaches or things to try. Those two might sound minor, but I've learned my resentment builds up over those kinds of things until I just get mean and snippy. Especially over the one about picking up. I just need to come up with a few new things to try, to see if I can get a better solution.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]