WW vs MLCer vs WAW

[Core]

Some have- Steve is an example of success and is very wise. Sandi turned she-herself around. There were others who likely have been purged from the forums as the forums underwent some changes.

[SteveLW]

MLC and Core have just posted some very insightful information. I'd read that a few times and let it sink in.

Right now you need to concentrate on what you can control (yourself) and not on what you cannot (her and saving the marriage).

It is difficult to do but you can do it.

[MLCxH]

my L is saying that all this crazy rush is because she wants to get married and/or pregnant.

She only knew this guy for less then a month tops before D me came up.

I have not read your thread in detail so I may lack specific context, but wanted to provide some clarification on this.

WAS take a lot of time thinking through their actions. When they are thinking through things, they often fake their actions and things seem good in the marriage. When they let the LBS know they want out of the marriage, they have thought through their decision and have complete confidence in what they are doing. They want to move full speed ahead on their new lives, which in turn means they want to rush closing the lid on their marriage. She may indeed be pregnant or want to get married, but I have a feeling the reason for the rush is the excitement she perceives in her new life in general i.e. a life without you.

Very well said, I wonder has anyone here turned this around?

When you ask 'has anyone turned this around', you assume that the LBS controls the situation to turn it around. The reality is that the LBS only controls their part, as Steve said above. Turning the situation around requires the WAS to turn their lives around first, which is not in the control of the LBS. What the LBS can do is become a better person and an attractive partner in their next potential relationship - whether it is a new partner or the WAS when they eventually turn their life around.

[Jq25]

I am focusing on myself and my kid who is a world to me.

Reading self improvement materials still waiting for DR
Trying to GAL was surprised that it’s bit different after 41 soon 42 lol.
Detachment - have a hard time with it
5 Stages of grief - been 3 month from the D day can’t put a finger where I am at with that

[BL42]

I am focusing on myself and my kid who is a world to me.

Perfect! That's exactly what you should be doing.

Trying to GAL was surprised that it’s bit different after 41 soon 42 lol.

What are you GAL activities?

Detachment - have a hard time with it

That's understandable. Many people do. It's not easy and will likely take time.

5 Stages of grief - been 3 month from the D day can’t put a finger where I am at with that

My guess is denial or bargaining. I don't sense much depression or anger yet in your posts, and 3 months isn't much time for acceptance after 13 years of marriage.

[Jq25]

Hi BL - thank you, you deserve a hug

GAL - going out with friends, finding activities to keep myself busy.

Most of my friends are married and they kind of walked away from me after D came up in a picture - XW did an excellent job

Trying to find different group to hangout with.

Exploring new hobbies and activities. Also trying to do activities with my kid - hobbies we can do together. My kid has big tender hart, full of good to share but XW mistreats the kid bad. Any advice?

[SteveLW]

Be the best dad you can be! That all you can do. If her mistreatment is of the illegal type then be sure to document everything.

[BL42]

Jq25,

GAL - going out with friends, finding activities to keep myself busy.

Good.

Most of my friends are married

That can be a challenge because all of a sudden you're half-time single and others have wives and kids and full-time responsibilities, so can't always make going out like a single person a priority.

they kind of walked away from me after D came up in a picture - XW did an excellent job

Can you give a little more detail here? What do you mean "came up in a picture"? And is WX badmouthing you to your friends?

Unfortunately something you can't control and you will likely lose some friends in the process but the silver lining is you'll get clarity into who your tried and true friends really are. It's great to have friends in good times, but the friends I value the most are the ones who were there for me when I was going through my toughest times.

Also trying to do activities with my kid - hobbies we can do together.

That's great. I've never been into fishing but my now S7 really got intrigued by it so I bought him a pole for his birthday and we went out to some local ponds and lakes and he caught a few and it as just a joyous moment I'll never forget it. These times with the kids and trying new things with them can be an unexpected positive of all this. Sounds like you're doing the right thing as a dad. Keep it up and he'll never forget it.

Exploring new hobbies and activities. Any advice?

It can be tough sometimes to always find social things to do. I've leaned on my buddies a good bit as well as couple friends. Other times I've gone skiing or ice skating by myself or done projects around the house. A lot of my hobbies are more guy activities than co-ed, so I might try branching out into other areas which are more balanced.

[Core]

I am focusing on myself and my kid who is a world to me.

Excellent.

Trying to GAL was surprised that it’s bit different after 41 soon 42 lol.

And in winter/early spring and while some areas are still doing the pandemic thing. GAL can mean many things. Being in touch with people is ideal while going through the painful time but reading, hobbying work too.

Detachment - have a hard time with it

This may be the hardest part and an understandable struggle. You're detatching not just from a person, but a dream, a future. We get there, and we make mistakes.

5 Stages of grief - been 3 month from the D day can’t put a finger where I am at with that

At least for me it wasn't linear and I could be in many stages simultaneously, or often fell back in to stages I thought I'd emotionally worked through. A solid IC can help if you ever need additional support. It's a "journey".

[Ready2Change]

Affairs are like drug addictions. You can't work on the R while another person is involved. You can work on yourself. Most guys that wind up here do not know how to be attractive. That is one of the first things you can can change that is under your control.

The way you interact with her (and women in general) is important. Do your research on gaining respect. Learn to project extreme confidence . Lead during this most difficult time.

Embrace this. It was the best worst thing that I have been through.