I am so sorry to read this U. REALLY hate that kids get caught in between!

I agree it was correct to at least mention it with XW. Also completely right about being the best dad!
What about also telling her this:
"I just wish my XW could let things go so our kids could be more emotionally healthy"
Or a less controlling version of it.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021