Hello everyone, So I have found our so much over the last few days. I am in shock, I can not wrap my mind around what H has been doing.. I will try to get it all out. One of our friends called me on Friday night, and told me he needed to get all of this off his chest. That him and H's other friends have been carring around his secrets for all these years and he could not continue with all of the lies, after seeing how much pain I have been in and how hard I was trying to fix my marriage... My M is not fixable and never will be.
H has been leading a double life for our entire marriage, and even before we got married. He has multipe addiction problems. He has been having sex with women, hookers, whatever and who ever he could..our entire marriage. He has had sex with women in our house, when he travels, wherever and when ever ....our entire life together. One big lie.
I am do not understand how he could have / is living with all of this. I will never understand how broken and disgusting he is. I am lucky to have my health in tack, after everything he has done. I pity him and feel bad for him. He is truly a broken person and has been his entire life. How does he look in the mirror, how could he look at me ever day for 21 years, knowing what a monster he really is?
So this is not just MLC, not sure if it is even that.. He is a addict.. to everything, women, sex, booze, gambling, possible drugs...... everything to the highest extreme. He looks like he has aged 10 years in the last 4 months. Even though I know the truth, he still will not admit to it.
I will never understand.. my whole life has been one big lie. Did he ever love me?? I don't see how he could..Why did he marry me, why did he pretend for all these years? Why didn't anyone come clean with all of this to me? HOw could I have been so blind????? OMG, I can not even explain this, I can not wrap my head around it.. I don't ever want to see him or talk to him ever again. He continues to blame me for everything and can not face the truth of what he really is..
