Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[BL42]

Pack_19,

Sorry to hear about the leg and collarbone. Hope your recovery progresses.

Otherwise good stuff. Congrats on the half marathon! Simply finishing one regardless of the time is an accomplishment. Way to power through. Enjoy the car. I'm mostly a saver and investor myself, but you have to splurge and live life every once in awhile.

I avoid all interactions with W except children related emergencies.

Good! That's big progress for you.

My brain goes into pain, fear and anxiety every time I approach her. I think I have finally learned interacting with her is fire, and all that can happen is that I get burned.

Hopefully your brain calms down in interactions over time, but you've learned your lesson about getting burned.

My L told me that due to the law in Spain and our large salary gap, any judge would give me a generous alimony to pay. I am not sure if you can understand me, but it is enough that W has kicked me out of her new life and make me responsible for all but now I need to send money monthly to this stranger that she has become AND suffer the time I have to live as if I had no children because we dont interact.

I empathize with you. Not only does she get away with being unfaithful and breaking up your family, but now you have to pay her to do it. It feels like adding insult to injury or a kick while you're down. I write monthly checks as well. It doesn't seem right. Unfortunately it is what it is. Nothing you can do about it, so just have to accept it.

I must be still broken inside but my mentality is, if I am going to life a single life, let it be a proper one, and if I am going to be a star of a father, I want a strong and loving woman next to me. I need to work a lot on these thoughts, I know I have friends, loving family, two treasure of boys, health and a great career and that makes me a very fortunate man.

That doesn't sound broken. It sounds like the right attitude.

I struggle with being alone. I know I am still work under construction but I have not met anyone worth my time and having sex with women I occasionally date feels good from a physical point of view but let's be honest is meaningless and doesn't really allow me to put into practice all I have learned about mean and women properly.

I hear you. I haven't met anyone either; it's lonely some times.

I just need to keep pushing, keep working on myself and being the best father I can be.

Absolutely. Keep crushing it!

Updated PIES

P - Get back to crossfit and smash my PRs. Marathon under 3:30, keep practicing my sexual kung-fu, work on my diet and keep up the new looks and improve my diet.
I - Grow as a team leader in the new company, learn as much as I can from google cloud. Read my books on R and women. Improve my driving and riding skills.
E - Practice active listening with everyone, be more social and open. Never pursuing any woman. Love, respect and admire the new man I have become. Put children above all in my life. Detach from W and accept my M is no more.
S - Talk to God, ask him for help moving on and leaving my thoughts that question how I have growth and improved through this hell. Accept I could never control the outcome, focus on me and improving as a man and father.

Fantastic list of goals. Make it happen!

I have never felt this good and I think it scatters to other aspects of my life. When I am emotional, feeling down or questioning my growth I go for a run or do some serious weights in crossfit. I feel more of a man, I feel I can be a leader to my children, I feel stronger, more confident

Awesome!

I honestly blame myself for never having taken it seriously while I was married.

Lessons learned. Don't blame yourself too much. You can't change the past...just don't make the same mistake again.

The line about repeated infidelity really hit me hard. I need to detach further but reading the words still burns a fire in my chest. Thanks for telling me the things I have to listen to, I will use these messages as fuel to keep moving forward. I have cried many days in the loneliness of my home. It is time to become an amazing man.

Sorry Pack. It does hurt, trust me I know. But you're making great progress.

Someday I will be able to talk all of this with my children but yes God knows I gave it my best.

Yes, absolutely.

You know, of all the times she has seen me since the accident wearing my right arm on a sling, not once has she asked me how I was and what had happened. Not that I care as I did in the past, it just makes me think she must really hate me.

During IHS my W laughed at me and openly mocked me when I had car troubles in the morning on a day when I had a very important work meeting. That may always stick out in my mind. Put aside her not helping (as you'd expect a spouse to do), but she was taking pleasure in my misfortune. What did I ever do to deserve that level of hatred? Nothing. Sometimes it's more about the other person's issues than our own. Good you're recognizing the behavior and won't accept it going forward.

Can I please ask for some advice on how to handle the D thing? I want to be free from this past that only brings me pain and misery but I am not going to surrender financially to a person that has destroyed all we had just to get away from me because, as she said, she cannot be happy next to me.

Not sure what advice to give. Just lean on your lawyer to keep it moving and get you the best deal you can under the law.