I understand your hesitance about posting specific information. This is an anonymous forum, open to the public, and can be viewed by anyone. Provide general information that is difficult to link directly back to you. Delete your browser cache after viewing; do not utilize auto fill passwords; do not bookmark this site; and such; if you believe W has access to your devices.
MWD’s books, the site, the suggestions, etc, are all your resources in your journey. Do not share this with W. She has stated the common ILYBINILWY. Declaring her intent of leaving the marriage usually follows. This does not mean she will, or that your marriage is irreparable or unsalvageable, however for the moment her view is very skewed. Keep you playbook to yourself.
You are on two paths. The obvious one is your emotional healing. Currently you are hurt, lost, bewildered, and wonder what the H just happened. The other path is one of business. You need to consider and look at things from a business point of view, as well as your emotionally point of view.
When dealing with business type things - finances for example - do so when your emotions are not all stirred up.
Are you aware and versed in your finances? Do you have joint accounts? Shared monies? Joint credit cards? Is the house paid for? Any other loans? Join or in individual names? Things to consider and be aware of, should your situation worsen.
Lots of spouses, along with their new look and new flirtatious attitude, start spending money. There are many stories of unaware LBS losing almost everything due to the unrealized spending of their spouse. Check into your finances. You do not need or want to loose a lifetime of financial investment, half is bad enough. (Sorry BT. This is the situation you are within.)
If you discover a drain on the accounts, there are different strategies that can be implemented. Generally, move half of the monies to accounts that only you have access to. And document everything. And talk to a lawyer. Of course, knowing more about your situation will allow better and more specific advice.
When starting out, much of the advice and suggestions are very counterintuitive; they will feel wrong. Giving time and space, no relationship talks, no clinging or pleading, and such; all feel like the wrong thing to do. They are not. The advice is first and foremost for you. You are the most important person in this equation. Your healing is paramount. Also, the advice gives your marriage its best chance for success.
There is no magic bullet. No words that will quickly turn her around. Besides actions speak much louder than words. Focus on you, and let your good actions speak.
You have the gift of time. Use it well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
