How do I ask WMD for direction on asking spouce to participate?
In the "Michelle's Announcements" section, it provides this contact information for the 2-day intensive and says to call for any questions you may have. No harm calling to share your intention and obstacle and seeing what they say. I'm sure they'd answer at least some of your questions gratis; for more, I believe they offer phone consultation services some here have used.
Originally Posted by Virginia
Michele is also offering 2-day intensive sessions virtually via Zoom.
Give me a call at 303-444-7004 or email virginia@divorcebusting.com
Bema, my concern here is that you've already asked. You seem to be holding on to the idea that this 2 day intensive is going to what you have to do. Please consider that there are no magic bullets to these things. I am not suggesting not to call MWD's number and get advice. But I am saying that when your W inevitably says no again, that you back down from this approach. And that you give your situation the time and give your WAW the space that they both need. WASs are like ships, they turn very slowly. They do not change direction on a dime like a motorcycle. Likely your W has taken months, if not years, to get to this point. It will take just as long if not longer for her to decide she wants to reconcile.
We all come here looking for the perfect thing to say or do to get our spouse to change their mind. Truth is, if such a thing existed this forum, MWD's books, everything that is out there about dealing with this wouldn't exist because all LBSs would just say or do that thing and magically fix everything. But if you talk to most of the posters on this board that have R'd with a WAS, it didn't happen over night.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
MWD did give me the words to use to get MsR2C to go. Her office is 90 minute drive, so it was not too much effort for use to get there.
I would like to suggest that you do not need your spouse to participate. MWD can get YOU the tools to change the way you interact with your spouse. This forces a change in the interaction.
MWD divorce remedy is the foundation of my personal growth. This website was a great support group. Didn't save my marriage, but I came out the other side a much better person.
Manipulation and control attempts will backfire. Real positive changes to your behavior and the way you interact are much more effective.
I wish you well, and will start following your thread in case you want more support.
Regards,
R2C
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hi Everyone. Took a break. I am pretty over whelmed. Found out spouse has had resentments for 15 years but never bothered to tell me. Thought grin and bear it was a good approach. Seems I have a spouse who is pretty good at hiding what is true. So now, I do not know what is real and true and what is a good front. When a happy spouse shows up, I do not know if it is true or just a good front.
I am working on making changes. Some pretty challenging and time consuming. Also legal issues. Responding to changes spouse makes that effect me without telling me, basic self care, GAL, appearing to be a happy, enthusiastic person to spouse when I am scared and sleep deprived, feel terrible. Let alone planning for what I need to do to take care of myself if we split. Preparing for a whole new life. Taking care of the unexpected I do not know how to handle like phone dying that is only partially packed up.
How do people do this?
I had this idea that I could check in with a friend regularly to say what I need to do next to help me stay focused, but that is not working. I think I can make a list of what I need to do then follow it. I get distracted all the time. Like with my phone dying - I want to back up the parts that are not backed up, do not know how. Huge time suck. Focusing on next impending legal issue, which seems most important, so do not have a phone which is pretty challenging. I need to spend time on the next most important thing, but it is hard to stay focused.
I am thinking right now that having something like a small group of people in a similar situation, on this forum, who check in on a regular basis might work. And sometimes help develop, tune an overall plan for an individual.
Is there something like this here? or is anyone interested?
How do people handle having their lives ripped apart and staying functional and productive and get things done while staying relatively sane and doing basic self maintainance?
So throughout all this craziness, you're having trouble staying focused on your Daily ToDos, which you HAVE to do or even more of your life will come tumbling down? Yeah, I bet many of us can relate, lol.
If you wanted to post 1-2x/day or week your intentions and what you did, I'd join you! I'm in a different phase (11yrs divorced, in a new relationship) but could always use a good accountability partner!
Hi Everyone. Took a break. I am pretty over whelmed. Found out spouse has had resentments for 15 years but never bothered to tell me. Thought grin and bear it was a good approach. Seems I have a spouse who is pretty good at hiding what is true. So now, I do not know what is real and true and what is a good front. When a happy spouse shows up, I do not know if it is true or just a good front.
While it is true that WAS hide what is bothering them and let resentment build, also remember that they will rewrite history and only focus on the negatives in the marriage. With time and distance they will eventually remember the good parts of the marriage but it may be a long time before that happens unfortunately. Look at what she does and not what she says. If she is pushing for separation or D, then the happy front means nothing to your chances of R.
Bema, dealing with all of this requires a lot of things. I feel strongly that IC is a must to help you sort through things and deal with everything. I forget since it has been a while if you are in IC or not? If not, please find a good IC and get into therapy. It will work wonders. Key is finding a good one. Do not settle, if after a couple of sessions you do not feel that IC is a good one, then find a new one. So many people get bad ICs and just give up on IC altogether. That is throwing the baby out with the bath water. A good IC will really help you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
