When I look back at the last 3 years of my life with EXH and his MLC and all the events that have happened, I can only conclude that there is a clear looping in the entire process.
EXH has effectively been gone 3 times in total, and each time it has been my initiative to make him leave.
Every time he was completely broken when he came back (presumably due to the breakups with the OW’s), this happened 2 times with OW1 and 1 time with OW2. During the time he was at home he realized very well what was wrong with him and wanted to try to work on himself, but couldn't handle it, so each time he went back into the tunnel.
I thought it was important to show to new people who come here to tell their story and have to deal with an MLC spouse that this really shows that this crisis goes on for years, that you have absolutely no control over it and that the only thing you can do is let it go as much as possible and live your own life without them. Many times you think they are on their way back, that improvement is in sight, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Therefore, focus on yourself, and definitely on your children, for it is they who need you very much through this process. If even we don't understand what is happening, what impact does this have on them, to see 1 of their parents change like this.
Therefore again, think of yourself first! What do you want? What makes it possible to feel the pain as little as possible?
Yes, it is a very long and difficult road that we must travel, a tunnel which is involuntarily created for us and there is no way around it, we unfortunately have to go through it as well, but know that there is light at the end of this tunnel. And that end is in sight when one learns to let it go in full.
Everyone has their own pace for this and each need to find his way how to come to this phase.
I can only conclude that it is much easier if they effectively leave the house, an in-home MLC'er is much harder to let go than an MLC'er who does not actually stay lives with you.
Some info I wanted to get out of my system on a beautiful Sunday. Maybe it can be of help to anybody here, knowing you are not alone.
