Wolfman - Why not keep a journal, where you document your attempts to reach her and your feelings of how much you miss her and worry about her? Then when she's older and wonders why you didn't try harder, you can provide her with the proof.
Also, please just keep sending birthday and Xmas presents for her - I hate to make your son the go between, but if you are concerned about your ex hiding the presents from your D, it might be best to send them home with him. An Easter basket of candy would be a good idea too. Even if she doesn't acknowledge it, it will show her you haven't forgotten her.
