I am struggling with it because things were a lot better for the most part with us but recently I had dropped ball, a few time by being tired a few nights and not being able to stay awake when she need to talk about stuff.
Yeah so that's why no matter what you do right now it isn't going to be sustainable. Relationships typically end for one of two reasons. She isn't attracted to you anymore or she doesn't see a happy future with you. So the best thing you can do right now is let her go, wish her well and go out and live your best life. That is the only winning strategy. Time and space is the only cure for these two reasons. If you go live a kick a$$ life and she wants to comeback you can revisit at that time.
Originally Posted by Dink
I apologized but unfortunately it I believe brought up the past resentment and caused thing to trigger again.
Yes! Everything you do wrong will cause this to happen. She needs to burn through the resentment which will take time and space away from you. It could take a year or maybe 10 but eventually it will happen. Until then a happy secure reconciliation is not in the cards. For you to reconcile she has to:
1) see you as someone of extremely high value 2) views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) She's willing to work to win you
Without those three things, she's going to walk again down the line, because she really doesn't have the motivation to work with you to change anything, your relationship will keep seeking the same equilibrium it has had because of how your personalities and issues come together.
Given that you have to make things worse before they can possibly get better, divorce may not be a bad choice, which is to say that you don't continue to comingle your lives (aside from the kids) and you are free to live your own lives.
That way she can really see if that way of life is better or worse for her. Prepare yourself that in the beginning she will view it as better, mainly because she'll find new found freedom and has convinced herself that its what she wants. It may take six months or five years for reality to set in, but it certainly will. Our good friend SteveLW was posted that his research shows that 90% of WWs will eventually want to reconcile. The real question becomes will you take her back.
My advice would be to lean in to what she wants, agree to divorce, and work productively with her on the plan with the presentation that you're on board and plan to enjoy this change also. That's going to make her wonder. You want her to wonder what you're thinking, and from this point forward you shouldn't tell her anything about your frame of mind -- nothing at all.
