Absolutely. Being accommodating and so flexible and forgiving of too much sh!t probably pisses guys off and comes off as not genuine. It’s annoying, quite honestly.
I hear you! I get it. I've lived it! It is interesting to note (and you probably have already thought this on your own) how you seem to be getting from this guy what you claimed not too long ago you wanted. You wanted a guy that texted you in the morning and goodnight. You wanted someone who actually tried and put in effort. You're getting what you asked for, maybe more than you asked for, only now...
But it takes more than that. He's trying too hard. Of course the flip side of that is nice guys finish last. But then also, if he's faking this it's a big no and a total turnoff. But if he's really like this it's also a big no and a total turnoff.
I very much agree with you needing to call guys on their [censored]. LH said it himself. I'll tell you that anyone who doesn't call me on my stuff gets runover. Why rise to meet someone's standards if you're already exceeding them? Right, wrong or indifferent, doing this will make me a much better man. You most certainly need to.
In the end, however, all you can be is yourself. Sure guys like the Coach can try to teach people how to act other than who they are and that might get them in the door but at some point the real guy or the real you is going to show up. I just thought this following my most recent date with the tall chick that I was told here I had lost because I didn't do this that or the other. Yes, we've finally gone out a few times. After the latest, I found myself thinking, or wondering if I maybe should have done this or that or said this or that. But in the end, I am who I am. And I say this to say to you, you just need to be you. The you that talks to us here. The you that works everyday. The you who's a great mom and friend. Just be you and if the guy fits he fits. If not, he doesn't. Sounds like maybe those guys didn't reject you - they rejected the version of you that you were providing.
As for this guy - stop the texting. Talk on the fricking phone already. I'd try that first. As for going on the date because you don't want to disappoint him... he's going to be much much much more disappointed if he goes out with you and goes home thinking it was a great date and can't wait to see you again. At some point you're going to have to tell him. Now if you're hoping maybe something clicks better in person, yeah, go give it a try. But if you really don't think it will and you really don't want to hurt hurt his feelings, I'd tell him now and not let him get even higher hopes. Or perhaps just be honest with him - tell him, look, dude, you seem to be trying way too hard here and that's a turn off. Is this the real you? Just ask him. Who knows, there might be a decent guy in there once he dials it back a bit. After all, there's a great woman behind whatever version of G you had been putting out there.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I do still want that stuff. But from someone I actually know. It’s kind of creepy and pressure filled from someone I haven’t met. And he’s super insecure. I told him to lick the place, he picked a chain restaurant, no big deal, and he asked which location and I said it didn’t matter they are all the same. Then he thought that I didn’t like where he chose and he got defensive. I said it was a fine choice. Then he asked me if I wanted him to pick me up ( heck no) and then said 6 or 6:30, then told me is so excited and can’t wait. He’s honestly making me uncomfortable. I did actually tell him to chill with the texts ( in a very nice way) yesterday.
I appreciate everyone’s kind comments. I am a decent person. I am genuinely myself, I just can’t figure this dating thing out for the life of me. Abs it’s become way more frustrating, way more difficult, and I am becoming way less tolerant. I need to be knocked out of the park these days. I am also too judgemental and I can find a red flag anywhere. I feel disconnected from every guy I meet. Nothing feels good anymore.
I honestly hate that this is the part of my life I’m failing in.
I do still want that stuff. But from someone I actually know. It’s kind of creepy and pressure filled from someone I haven’t met. And he’s super insecure. I told him to lick the place, he picked a chain restaurant, no big deal, and he asked which location and I said it didn’t matter they are all the same. Then he thought that I didn’t like where he chose and he got defensive. I said it was a fine choice. Then he asked me if I wanted him to pick me up ( heck no) and then said 6 or 6:30, then told me is so excited and can’t wait. He’s honestly making me uncomfortable. I did actually tell him to chill with the texts ( in a very nice way) yesterday.
This sounds awful, like he is stepping around mines that dont exist, is afraid to lead, or afraid to do something wrong. Either way, unless you've become super harden from all the joys over the years, your empathy will pick up amd feel the insecure vibes he is putting out, making for a loong date.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I appreciate everyone’s kind comments. I am a decent person. I am genuinely myself, I just can’t figure this dating thing out for the life of me. Abs it’s become way more frustrating, way more difficult, and I am becoming way less tolerant. I need to be knocked out of the park these days. I am also too judgemental and I can find a red flag anywhere. I feel disconnected from every guy I meet. Nothing feels good anymore.
The problem with being aware of red flags is you now can see them everywhere, and they get easier and easier to spot. No one will be perfect however, I think we all have a couple red flags. The question is how much or which could, would or should you tolerate. I think your feelings are totally normal with what youve been through and your level of awareness now. If you've ever seen the Matrix, I liken it to Cypher plugging himself back in. He wants to go back to the fantasy. Reality is we are all broken and the older we get, the more broken the dating market is. Sadly almost everyone is beaten, bruised, intolerable, cautious or mentally unwell to a point.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I honestly hate that this is the part of my life I’m failing in.
While you feel youre failing in this part of life, are you exceeding in others?
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Well this is in a nutshell why OLDing doesn’t work. Most men don’t understand women so he thinks he’s doing the right thing by letting you pick the place. He’s excited to meet you so that’s creepy. If he didn’t text enough there is no connection. The avg man can’t win.
Middle age independent women are hard to please. That is why the avg woman responds to 1 out of every 120 messages.
