Living in the Light VII

[DonH]

Don… Do you seriously think it is okay for XH and OW to have hunted down this site and read every single one of my posts? This isn’t FaceBook. This is an anonymous forum for people to support one another in getting through one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives.

Sorry for the delayed response, I was busy off living life and stuff, but I did want to respond and perhaps clarify. So, do I think it's okay for someone to look for your thread and read it? Well, I'm not sure what is and is not "okay". Is it healthy? No, not really. Is it helpful? Perhaps, but more than likely not. Is it prohibited or Illegal? Not really. Should it be expected - MOST CERTAINLY!!!!! And that's my point. I see this no different than the girl who texts some guy a naked pic and then is all incensed and often surprised that he showed it to his buddies. Is he a jerk? Absolutely! Should she have anticipated or considered that might happen? Also absolutely.

The internet is the most public thing we have - yet people don't seem to get that. They bash their employer and then are shocked and incensed when they are fired. They post pictures of themselves breaking the law and then are shocked when the cops show up at their door.

As to expectation of privacy, there is NONE here. ZERO - ZIP - NADDA! Using your support group analogy, it's like holding that support group on the front lawn along side the street or in the public parking lot because it was a nice day out and it was too hot inside, and then being pssd that people heard what was said. Everyone would realize that it's not a good idea as anyone could hear the private things being said in the group. Yet, we come on a public web page and then get upset when someone reads it!

You're ex certainly sounds like a huge piece of work. I can totally see why you are beyond done with him. I totally get that. But all the more reason to figure he'd do something like this. Does it make it right? No, but you can't control him - only how you respond and what you do. That was my point with being upset both ways - upset when he doesn't respond to your text but also upset when he does. He can't win. You really don't like him so how could he? Just be honest. It's not always as much what he does - it's that he does anything.

My over-riding point however is to just point out the obvious and stay grounded in reality. This is the internet. it's not a private diary. It's not secure. It's not hidden. It's 100% public. And as someone said on a different thread regarding guys getting caught saying things on camera - don't say anything in private that you would not anyone to hear in public.

On the other side, I understand totally what you are saying. It is beyond low that he would for sure tell you he read it and nearly just as low that he went looking for it. But given the little I know about it, I'm not surprised. I can't imagine that you are either. I think you'd say it's exactly something he would do. That's the risk we all take when posting on the internet - whether here on a place that proceeded Facebook, Twitter and the rest, or on those actual platforms. They are all public and will all live on in some form forever. I have no doubt people have screen shot and saved some of these posts. All of us need to keep that in mind before we post - that's what I'm trying to get across. Otherwise we are broadcasting our private thoughts with a megaphone to a huge crowd and then getting mad that they listened.