I could have written your above post DV , word for word . I totally empathize. It’s a real struggle. I want to hate OW. But I can’t. She treats my daughter well. She definitely is a buffer for my ex’s short temper. Of course I’m happy that my daughter is a part of the family and OW and her family treats her as such. It could be awful for her, but it has not been. And I don’t think many know how it feels to have to appreciative of this and thankful to the woman who screwed your ex and blew up your family. Honestly, it’s an awful feeling for me. One I struggle with often . And while I am used to handing over my kid, I had to do it when she was a baby before she could even speak. I’m actually traumatized by that. She wasn’t even a year old. To a man who lied through his teeth and a woman who has not regards for a a married woman who was pregnant. And no, I never got an apology, she has never acknowledged it, and I have to just keep moving forward because my daughter is loved. And I wouldn’t want her to be treated any other way
I give you all the credit in the world G. I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been if my kids were babies when their happened. That would have been a hundred more times painful and scary for me. I admire you so much for having arrived at the place you have and for giving your daughter such a gift by supporting her in her relationship with them. You are an amazing, amazing person. (((HUGS)))
Kids’ cruise to Alaska in July turned into a December trip to Mexico. They’ll be there for their 15th birthday. D14 will be thrilled. S14…not so much. He’s not a beach person. But he does love being at a resort where he can eat ice cream three times a day so that might make up for it…lol.
Had a text from D yesterday. He wanted to tell me that he was listening to his coworker go on about her son’s “arrogant a-hole of a teacher” that she complained to the principal about … XH apparently. That actually surprises me because he can be really charming when he wants to be and parents used to love him. But I think his dislike of his job and the school he is at has bled over into his teaching. He really loved his old school and his coworkers (one of them was an affair I know now) and this one has never measured up even though he managed to have an affair there too. I noticed a distinct decline in his attitude toward teaching just before we split. I guess that hasn’t improved. Kind of a shame. His teaching was always such a source of pride for him before. Ah well… not my circus, not my monkeys.
Yeah… I hope this is just a difficult parent but I do know that XH’s attitude has really worsened over the years. He used to really love teaching…laughed a lot when he talked about his days. Got lots of gifts and thank-you’s from students and parents alike. We got to see a premier of one of the Star Wars movies with a dinner courtesy on one of his students’ parents. He put a lot of himself into his school. That fell away a bit at the second school he went to and then really changed at the third where he is now. It’s too bad. His students are missing out on the teacher he used to be and he is as well.
Don… Do you seriously think it is okay for XH and OW to have hunted down this site and read every single one of my posts? This isn’t FaceBook. This is an anonymous forum for people to support one another in getting through one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives.
Sorry for the delayed response, I was busy off living life and stuff, but I did want to respond and perhaps clarify. So, do I think it's okay for someone to look for your thread and read it? Well, I'm not sure what is and is not "okay". Is it healthy? No, not really. Is it helpful? Perhaps, but more than likely not. Is it prohibited or Illegal? Not really. Should it be expected - MOST CERTAINLY!!!!! And that's my point. I see this no different than the girl who texts some guy a naked pic and then is all incensed and often surprised that he showed it to his buddies. Is he a jerk? Absolutely! Should she have anticipated or considered that might happen? Also absolutely.
The internet is the most public thing we have - yet people don't seem to get that. They bash their employer and then are shocked and incensed when they are fired. They post pictures of themselves breaking the law and then are shocked when the cops show up at their door.
As to expectation of privacy, there is NONE here. ZERO - ZIP - NADDA! Using your support group analogy, it's like holding that support group on the front lawn along side the street or in the public parking lot because it was a nice day out and it was too hot inside, and then being pssd that people heard what was said. Everyone would realize that it's not a good idea as anyone could hear the private things being said in the group. Yet, we come on a public web page and then get upset when someone reads it!
You're ex certainly sounds like a huge piece of work. I can totally see why you are beyond done with him. I totally get that. But all the more reason to figure he'd do something like this. Does it make it right? No, but you can't control him - only how you respond and what you do. That was my point with being upset both ways - upset when he doesn't respond to your text but also upset when he does. He can't win. You really don't like him so how could he? Just be honest. It's not always as much what he does - it's that he does anything.
My over-riding point however is to just point out the obvious and stay grounded in reality. This is the internet. it's not a private diary. It's not secure. It's not hidden. It's 100% public. And as someone said on a different thread regarding guys getting caught saying things on camera - don't say anything in private that you would not anyone to hear in public.
On the other side, I understand totally what you are saying. It is beyond low that he would for sure tell you he read it and nearly just as low that he went looking for it. But given the little I know about it, I'm not surprised. I can't imagine that you are either. I think you'd say it's exactly something he would do. That's the risk we all take when posting on the internet - whether here on a place that proceeded Facebook, Twitter and the rest, or on those actual platforms. They are all public and will all live on in some form forever. I have no doubt people have screen shot and saved some of these posts. All of us need to keep that in mind before we post - that's what I'm trying to get across. Otherwise we are broadcasting our private thoughts with a megaphone to a huge crowd and then getting mad that they listened.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Don - I do understand your point of view even though I disagree with parts of it. I get that it’s not illegal nor should I have an expectation of privacy. However, this was the ONE place I went to for help because nothing else I tried worked for me. My upsetness was not about the legalities of whether or not they could or would read my thread…it was more about the morality of it. If he had any decency, he would have just left it alone OR told me he knew about it and let me decide if I wanted to continue on. But he (they) didn’t… he (they) read every single word and used the information against me. RE: me not liking him. Again…I don’t like or dislike either of them. I dislike what they did and what they are apparently still doing. But when I see him, talk to him or text him, I am friendly, flexible and congenial which is what I choose to be for the sake of our coparenting relationship. And 95% of the time, my inner feelings match up with what he sees. The other 5% of the time, I come on here and I work through it and get on with my day. Him coming on here to read about that 5% is unhelpful and frankly, disrespectful, regardless of the legality of it or the ease in which he can access the information. It’s just sad that he isn’t mature enough to recognize that. I hope our kids turn out to be better people.
KML… The house building is still in the planning stages unfortunately. The supply chain is part of it. The complications related to the site. The zillions of new building codes we have to adhere to. It’s a nightmare, to say the least. But…we are committed to doing it nonetheless. My BIL met with the engineers just prior to our DL trip and they have approved the plans. Next step is to submit them to the city for the permits. This can apparently take many months. So…we’ll see how it goes. Realistically - we are probably looking at a 2024 completion date.
Rough couple of days with D14 who had all four impacted wisdom teeth out on Thursday. Things seemed okay afterwards but about six hours later, she started feeling nauseous and began throwing up after dinner. Could not keep any of the Tylenol 3’s they prescribed down so her pain was escalating. I ended up taking her to emergency at 11:30 at night. They only had one doctor on so it took her awhile to be seen. A very nice nurse took pity on her in the waiting room and gave her a shot of Gravol. He then hunted down the one doctor (who was on the other side of the hospital) to get him to order a pain med. It was such a relief to see her finally drift off to sleep at about 1:30. Unfortunately, I had to wake her up at 2 a.m. to take her home. They gave us morphine pills (doctor said 30% of the population do not do well on T3’s and she is one of them) and we were able to keep her pain under control for the rest of the weekend. Poor thing… her face was beyond swollen. Took her to her dad’s yesterday and last night, she texted me that she had taken her pill, brushed her teeth, flossed and rinsed her mouth with salt water. Seemed really proud of herself.
Interesting and yet, not surprising, lunch with my friend yesterday whose husband had cheated on her when her kids were toddlers and then left her for “the woman who answered the phones.” He married her and they had another child together. Twenty years later…surprise, surprise… her sons informed her that while there stepmom has been away (hiding from Covid at her mom’s), their dad has been cheating on her. She is apparently returning next week and he has told his sons (now 21 & 23) that he is ending the affair. My friend just laughed at that. She says that is code for “taking it underground.” She feels only a tiny bit sorry for the wife but at the same time, says she is just going to get out her bowl of popcorn and watch the drama unfold. She has the same opinion as me. Cheating on someone is not an accident…it’s a choice. And it is a choice that certain people will make and others will not. You are either one of those people or you are not. Her XH is one of the people who will as is my XH. It’s just who they are.
Picked up my new car on Saturday. It was a big chunk of change, for sure, but I am so in love with it…lol. Pretty sure I will be driving it for ten years at least.
Could not keep any of the Tylenol 3’s they prescribed down so her pain was escalating. I ended up taking her to emergency
They gave us morphine pills (doctor said 30% of the population do not do well on T3’s and she is one of them)
Wow. Sounds like the 1960s or 1970s are calling and they want their medical treatments and practices back. codeine? Morphine??? Dimenhydrinate? Your poor daughter! Maybe things are different up there? Maybe the dentist or oral surgeon is old? And the war on opioids often doesn’t help but 4 impacted wisdom teeth typically qualifies for at least a few days worth. The ER doc is correct about codeine and nausea/vomiting. It’s why they really have not been prescribed much in years. Zofran is often the go to and works very well although at least the Gravol knocked her out if nothing else. Nothing wrong wrong MS (morphine) but again not typically prescribed for stuff like this and can also cause more nausea than Vicodin (hydrocodone) which is pretty much standard for something like this - although studies have shown Tylenol and Ibuprofen given together works just or nearly as well. Had they just prescribed one of these in the first place you’d have saved a trip to the ER and her the agony. Nothing worse than being in pain and throwing up. I’ve got to wonder if $$$ played a part in using old generics or just outdated practices? Anyhow hope she feels better soon. She should be back to normal by the weekend.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
