Returned from my time in FL for my friends baby shower. We had lots of fun and the weather was gorgeous. They are amazing people and they will make fantastic parents. Yes, my ex and His W watched my dog. My ex even bought something personalized for the dog. He loves my dog. He sent me some pictures with my dog on his lap while they were playing cards. It actually triggered me a bit when I feel like an outsider on what was supposed to be my family. I got over it quick and I was happyi could enjoy my vacation without worrying about my dog.
OW got free tickets to a hockey game and invited me and my daughter . It was on the day I came home from vacay. I appreciated it, but I had to turn it down. It was boundary for me. I said it was just too much with the traveling. D went and it was an incredible game. Was it mentally hard for me that she brought my daughter to OUR thing? Yes . Am I happy D had the chance to go ? Of course. I’m struggling with those conflicting feelings a lot lately.
Thursday morning I saw a special offer for Nurses night at the hockey game. I bought 2 tickets and brought 2 tickets for D and i to go. They lost, but we had a great time. Then last night she was going bowling with a bunch of friends. She goes to a county school and her new friends are all spread out so the place they chose was convenient for most, but a half hour away for us. I dropped her off, went shopping a big and had dinner by myself and then got her when she was done. No point in going home. I sometimes can’t believe I have a high schooler who goes out alone with her friends . I’m so glad she does have a good social circle. The kid has plans every weekend!
I’m getting a huge refund from the IRS which should help out with my credit cards, thank god. I need it. I’m still working Ot, but not as aggressively. I won’t want to work too much on the spring/ summer as I want to enjoy my hobbies. I want to hike every weekend. My lawn will need to be taken care of. My garden had a year off from my stupid ant killer incident and I can have it back this year.
My dad threw some guilt at me yet again. D14 will text them every now and then, but she is a not a phone call kid. My dad expressed his great disappointment that D14 did not let him know she was going to the game since he introduced her to the sport. How she never calls and his friends teenage grandkids call all the time ( that’s BS). He is always telling me how saddened he is she doesn’t talk about a bunch of stuff to them. That she doesn’t say much. Then , whenever we all get together and I ask her to put her phone down and join some conversation, he gets mad at me and says “ I just want peace no fighting, stop” can’t win! I told him this too. It drives me nuts. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Is she a snarky self absorbed teen? Yes. Is she generally a good kid who does not get into trouble? Yes. Do I really know how to properly navigate teenage hood? Nope! I’m winging it! Has it been hard raising a kid with no one to bounce anything off of and discussing your similar experiences with the person who raises that kid with you? Yes. But it is what it is.
Dating: put my toe back in the water for a second and quickly took it out. The only men who are interested are ones with narcissistic traits, or needy men. No in between. And I can’t seem to do the texting thing. I can’t connect with anyone via text. I can’t connect with strangers. I’m very closed off these days . I imagine the only hope I have is meeting someone organically where we just hit it off, or grow through friendship. I can’t connect at all to strangers anymore.
Also, I have been reading books for pleasure which has always been a hobby of mine. I love getting lost in a good book. But OMG, I have visceral reactions to ones where it ends as an incredible love story. Or the most recent with a woman finding love when she was pregnant. I realized I’m still pretty traumatized by my ex having bags packed to walk out the door on the night of the bomb drop with our 6 month old daughter sleeping in her crib. I can’t think about it. It sends me over the edge still.
Anyways. It’s snowing and windy here. To think, I was throwing my friends baby shower, out side in the 80 degree weather exactly one week ago. I’m definitely going to be moving to a warmer climate. I hate winter. I’m moving to a nice apartment complex with a pool and a gym. The only good thing about my current state is the pizza, bagels, and Chinese food, all of which I can’t even eat anymore except on rare occasion
