Sorry…I’m having an internal reaction to the word “rebellion”. To me, that’s something a teenager does with a parent when they don’t like the rules. Rebellion implies one person is in charge and the other is subservient. That’s not my idea of a good marriage and I would want out if I felt like I had to rebel against my partner. I don’t know you Drh, I only know what I read but your posts come across as controlling. If I were you, I would really do some self reflection to figure out if this is something that contributed to the end of your marriage. Especially if you ever find yourself wanting to get married again.
Also… I don’t think being cordial and friendly with your kids’ other parent is teaching them that adultery and breaking up a family is okay. I have a good co-parenting relationship with my XH and, as KML said, he was one of the worst on here when you take into account the amount of lying and gaslighting he did as well as the emotional pain he put me and our children through for the length of time that he did before he left. I have been very clear with our children about how wrong it is to lie and cheat on a spouse and that I really, really hope that if they get married in the future, they will stay true to their vows but if they ultimately find themselves wanting out, they will leave in a respectful way that honours the love they once shared with that other person. They’ve seen and felt, firsthand, the traumatic consequences when it doesn’t happen that way so I have no doubt they get it. I don’t need to resent their dad and OW for the rest of my life for them to learn this lesson. Hanging onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts you and, by association, your kids. So I agree with your W… you need to move on.
Think about where you want to be three years from now. What do you want your life to look like? What do you want your kids’ lives to look like? When they are going back and forth between homes, how do you want them to feel? When something unexpected happens (an illness, accident, etc..), do you want to be able to turn to your W for help or go it alone? My relationship with XH is such that if something happened suddenly and I needed him to look after our kids for an extended period, he would do it. And I would know they were safe and being treated well which would ultimately allow me to deal with my situation without having to worry about my kids. Now that I’m over most (not all) of the hurt and anger, that is the only thing I care about. Have faith that you will get there too and try to act in a way that will promote this kind of a relationship in the future…even if you don’t feel that right now.
I have the same question as LH. If you’ve blocked your W, how would she get a hold of you in an emergency. I’d rethink that decision if I were you. It doesn’t sound to me like she is spamming your inbox with all kinds of unnecessary texts and you are blocking her because she is harassing you. It sounds like you initiated the argument and then blocked her because you were angry at her response. In that situation, I would have expected her to block you.
I know right about now you may be feeling like we are piling on a bit. Please know that is not our intention. All of us on here completely understand how you are feeling and we’ve felt the same things. We GET IT. But many of us are a few years past all of it and we are advising you based on the knowledge and experience we have gained having gone through it. We are trying to help you get through this stage without doing things that you will fully regret later on when your feelings are less raw. (((HUGS)))
