I echo what others have said. I think you are still too deep into your anger and resentment and it’s affecting your judgment and your end goal here which, at the moment, seems to be punishing your W. Look… I get it… my XH lied to me for years, had more than one affair, moved out when I found out about his activities and got engaged (now married) to the last one before the ink was even dry on our separation agreement. I have plenty to resent him for and feel righteous about (interesting word I never use). But the thing is Dr… that does nothing to change the situation…it only hurts me and ultimately hurts my kids for me to hang onto resentments. I’d be lying if I told you I don’t still have my bouts of anger on occasion but when that happens, I process it by coming on here and writing about it. I don’t say anything to my kids and I don’t call up XH or start sending him angry texts or emails. All that would do is continue the conflict and ultimately hurt my kids and they’ve been hurt enough already. I keep my interactions with him and OW (his wife now) very cordial and pleasant and when I do, I feel like a better parent. Yes, I could be a total b*tch to them and some would say, justifiably so, but that’s not the person I want to be and that is not the person I want my kids to have as a role model. They are watching you Dr… what are you teaching them? You may not like what your W did, that’s understandable, but she is still their mother and children need to have a positive relationship with BOTH of their parents. If your W blows that on her own, that’s one thing, but if your anger with her is putting them in the middle and making them feel like they can’t love her or spend time with her without betraying you, that is extremely unhealthy for them. Do not put them in that position.

Also…in the future… I would refrain from confronting your W about information you hear from your kids. My kids have said things to me that have triggered me for sure. When that occurs, I deal with my feelings quietly and I get on with my day. I want them to feel like they can say anything to me without having to worry that I’m going to get angry at their dad. That wouldn’t change anything with respect to XH but it would definitely harm my relationship with my kids and erode their trust in me. That is the last thing I would want.

Know this Dr…there will come a time when your hurt and anger will not be so present in your life. If you follow the advice on here and successfully navigate your grief, you may even find yourself happier than you were before this all happened. When you finally get to that place and you look back on how you handled everything, what do you want to see? What do you want your kids to be able to say about it when they are adults and think back to this time in their life? Do you want them to remember an angry, resentful guy who took every opportunity he could to punish their mom (that’s what you sound like here) or do you want them to remember a guy they had a lot of fun with who rose above the situation and did his best to protect them from all of that? If I were you, whenever you find yourself reacting and feeling those resentful feelings, I would ask myself that question before I did anything else. Choose better not bitter Dr.