Sigh. I know you have to live with it DV, and you're a better woman than I. What gets me is how your OW and Ginger's OW aren't begging you and her for forgiveness for cheating with your H the way they did. You'd think if they were decent people they'd have some shame, especially once they saw you weren't whatever he lied and told her you were.
Still, the fault lies primarily with your exes, and I understand what you're saying. I'm really glad my ex's new wife isn't one of his affair partners, and I sincerely hope their marriage sticks, because it means less trauma on my kids and hopefully means she will have to care for him in his old age.
Mr. Ex-DejaVu if you are reading this you are a D-bag and I would like to kick you in the nuts.
Oooh, oooh, me too! He's in the Dirtbag All-Time Hall of Fame here! Definitely in the top ten, and I'd venture in the top 5 worst H's of all time. The level of lying and the length of time and the suffering it caused his wife and children? Truly beyond the pale. Horrible.
Seriously? Reading a public forum on the flipping internet is the biggest wrong someone can do? SERIOUSLY? I can’t believe I even have to remind people of this but it’s the INTERNET. It’s as public as public can be and lives on forever even when thought to be deleted. It’s absolutely not a diary, most certainly not a private diary. If that’s what anyone wants, don’t put your thoughts on a public forum for everyone to see. Write it down in a book that you keep in your mattress - THATS A DIARY! This is nearly as crazy as writing an E book and then being upset someone read it. This is why the board tries to enforce at least a few rules to keep things slightly private. It’s not even as “secure” as a private Facebook group. You can’t rewrite reality to fit what you want - though parts of the world continue to try.
WARNING: coffee is hot and can cause burns and anyone with a computer and access to the internet can read a public forum.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Don I was making a joke but can't speak for K. Don I am getting real concerned about you. You are extra pessimistic, condescending and jaded lately. The Packers kept Aaron Rodgers so you should be happy. As K has asked before are you getting enough vitamin B?
Your ExH and his AFFAIR PARTNER read your threads? Yikes. Classy people.
Did you miss that part of my story BL? That’s where the title of my thread came from.
I either missed or forgot. Regardless, my post intentionally targeted towards Mr. Ex-DejaVu and his AFFAIR PARTNER in case they're reading along, and I suspect LH19 and kml had the same intentions.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Unless you have been through it, it is very hard to describe what it feels like to give up 50% of your time with your children, the two people you love the most in this world, to a complete stranger. And not only that but you also have to hand them over every week to the one person in the world who is responsible for the most emotional pain you have ever felt in your entire life (talking about XH, not OW). It really is bizarre when you think about it.
100% related to this.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
People are flawed Bttrfly and I don’t think any of us ever get through life without doing something we aren’t proud of. I know enough about her life to know that XH came into it at a time when she really needed someone and I don’t fault her for that. Yes…she had an affair with my husband and was instrumental in breaking up our family. That is an indisputable fact. But, let’s be clear, if it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else. XH made the decision to sabotage our marriage and our family years before she came on the scene so it was only a matter of time. Maybe if she hadn’t been around, he might have had to face a few more things and do more work on himself but ultimately, I still think I would be divorced today. Too much had happened by then. Too many lies…too many indiscretions…there was very little chance we would have come back from that.
I know that she cares about my kids because of how she treats them and how they feel about her. I have never heard them complain about her treatment of them. They see her as supportive and a calm and gentle presence in their lives. Given their dad’s tendency to be irritable and reactive when he is stressed, I am grateful she appears to be the opposite of that because my kids need a buffer between them and their dad’s moods sometimes. So I am grateful she is there to be that for them and that he did not find someone who is in competition with our kids for his attention. From everything I have seen and heard, she takes her role as stepmother very seriously and now that XH is living a more honest life (hopefully), I think my kids are experiencing a better, more committed father and that can only be to their (and my) benefit.
So while I definitely still have some triggers and negative feelings around everything that happened and I write a lot about those as a way to work through them, I am still very aware that things could be way, way worse and the reason they aren’t is because of her. That is not lost on me. There is a reason the “evil stepmother” stereotype still exists…there are some bad ones out there. Fortunately, my kids don’t have to deal with one of those and I am very appreciative of that. Again…two sides of the coin…conflicting emotions…I am doing my best to balance them both.
I could have written your above post DV , word for word . I totally empathize. It’s a real struggle. I want to hate OW. But I can’t. She treats my daughter well. She definitely is a buffer for my ex’s short temper. Of course I’m happy that my daughter is a part of the family and OW and her family treats her as such. It could be awful for her, but it has not been. And I don’t think many know how it feels to have to appreciative of this and thankful to the woman who screwed your ex and blew up your family. Honestly, it’s an awful feeling for me. One I struggle with often . And while I am used to handing over my kid, I had to do it when she was a baby before she could even speak. I’m actually traumatized by that. She wasn’t even a year old. To a man who lied through his teeth and a woman who has not regards for a a married woman who was pregnant. And no, I never got an apology, she has never acknowledged it, and I have to just keep moving forward because my daughter is loved. And I wouldn’t want her to be treated any other way
Don… Do you seriously think it is okay for XH and OW to have hunted down this site and read every single one of my posts? This isn’t FaceBook. This is an anonymous forum for people to support one another in getting through one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives. If you aren’t going through something like that, why in the world would you ever come on here? And why would you search out the thread of the one person whose life you almost destroyed? Morbid curiosity? Revelling in the pain you had caused? I that something you would do because it definitely isn’t something I would do. Just like I wouldn’t go into my daughter’s room and read her diary. Technically, I could, because it’s my house and she’s leaving it lying around for me to see but I wouldn’t because that would be a violation of her privacy.
Maybe you are reacting to the word “diary”…perhaps support/therapy group would be more accurate? Do you think it would be okay for them to attend my support group and sit in the back row listening to every word I say and not tell me they were there because that is essentially what they did. They each read over 1,000 posts and then confronted me on it after we were divorced and I was starting to write about my relationships with other people. If they were being honest in ANY WAY, they would have told me as soon as they found it that they had seen it and let me make up my mind about whether or not I wanted to stay on here. But they didn’t… she texted me way, way, way after the fact. Why? Because they were using the information to manipulate the situation. Thinking back, there were a number of times that I would write something and then a day or two later, XH would do or say something to counteract what I had written. For example, I remember saying at about month three when he was still giving me the impression that he was “thinking things over” and could possibly return to work things out, I commented in one of my posts that I didn’t think he was organized enough to have consulted a lawyer. Less than a week later, he presented me with a separation agreement saying… “I know you don’t think I am organized enough…”. I never, ever told him anything like that. He read that on here.
You’re right in one regard… this is the internet and technically/legally, they can come on here if they want to. But is it morally okay? Definitely not. It’s completely offside and as BL said, classless.
