Like I’ve explained myself, it’s like having 2 very real situations you are trying to handle and the feelings that come with them. Just because we do it, doesn’t mean we won’t be affected or triggered by certain things. I think the momma bear still gets triggered and we still haven’t forgotten why we are sharing our children with this OP. So yes, certain things are triggering. It doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the stepparents being good to our children and caring about them. I know I am Grateful. OW had to pick D 14 up from school yesterday when she called upset about something and I was on a plane. I am thankful she did that. But I can’t forget how she became another person who does those things for her. It’s tough to feel both sides of the coin and separate the feelings.
We are not a blended family, but these are people that are now married to our childrens parents. Those worlds are going to collide. And DV, you handle it like a champ
So much this Ginger!!! You hit the nail on the head. TBH…I don’t know OW well enough to like or dislike her… I just dislike what she did. Anyway, that aside, your example was exactly right. OW took D14 to a medical appointment a month or so ago when neither I nor XH could. She texted me some questions, I sent her information she needed to pass on, etc… it worked out really well and we had a really positive exchange. I was grateful she was able to do it but like you said, I also haven’t forgotten how it came to be that she was in the position of taking my D in the first place. I’m sure there will be many more situations like this in the years to come where I, too, will feel both sides of the coin. And that’s okay. We’re entitled to feel that way. Unless you have been through it, it is very hard to describe what it feels like to give up 50% of your time with your children, the two people you love the most in this world, to a complete stranger. And not only that but you also have to hand them over every week to the one person in the world who is responsible for the most emotional pain you have ever felt in your entire life (talking about XH, not OW). It really is bizarre when you think about it.
