She told me around the first BD a year ago that she pushed me away hoping that would cause me to do more to come closer. Apparently her being cold and distant was going to cause me to decide to be more affectionate. Instead it made me think she was totally uninterested in me so I focused my energy on me and the kids.
Like I said, communication was poor.
I suppose it's not the craziest idea. DBers say the LBS has to drop the rope and let go and maybe the WAS will come back. But I think feeling ignored works differently when you're the WAS wanting to leave vs being actively in the relationship. I understand too that she felt ignored and this probably felt like some kind of last resort, but really we should have been in counseling. Anyway, it didn't work.
Originally Posted by BL42
mako,
Originally Posted by mako
I think she just didn’t really think of how big a deal it was going to be.
I'd be willing to bet this is the case. So often the WAS is emotions & reactions and not logic & planning.
It really is going to wear on her as time goes on. Besides her commute time and gas money, in relationships with the kids and dating partners.
Just make sure moving closer (if you choose to do so) is in the best interest of you and the kids and leave the impact to her out of the equation.
I think it's wearing on her now. She just mentioned today that she's thinking of moving back closer when her lease ends if I don't move (she knows I am planning to but not set in stone yet).
You're correct, any move (and any decision from here on, really) is based on the best interests of me and the kids, period, not hers.
Last edited by mako; 03/09/2210:31 PM.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021