Living in the Light VII

[BL42]

I don’t want to speak for DV, however, it’s not about being or acting like a blended family. It’s not that DV isn’t doing what’s right for the kids. She keeps a good friendly, although not friends relationship with the ex and the Wife. She doesn’t keep that because she really likes them, just like I don’t keep mine because I really like them either . It’s good for the kids. We both know it. And it’s good for us too I’m having a collaborative flexible realationship which also benefits us when it comes to parenting.

Like I’ve explained myself, it’s like having 2 very real situations you are trying handle and the feelings that come with them. Just because we do it, doesn’t mean we won’t be affected or triggered by certain things. I think the momma bear still gets triggered and we still haven’t forgotten why we are sharing our children with this OP. So yes, certain things are triggering. It doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the stepparents being good to our children and caring about them. I know I am
Grateful. OW had to pick D 14 up from school yesterday when she called upset about something and I was on a plane. I am thankful she did that. But I can’t forget how she became another person who does those things for her. It’s tough to feel both sides of the coin and separate the feelings.

We are not a blended family, but these are people that are now married to our childrens parents. Those worlds are going to collide. And DV, you handle it like a champ

What Ginger1 wrote really resonates. There's two separate aspects to the situation. One can want what's best for the kids' sake and be friendly to facilitate that, and still be hurt or have triggers related to the Ex and affair partner helping to raise their kids. The two are completely opposite emotions or viewpoints but unfortunately intertwined. As parents we need to take the high road and do what's best for our children, even if it hurts us.

As you pointed out, though, you came along after his marriage to their mother had ended so you weren’t part of that. This is not that situation and that makes a huge difference.

And I totally agree w/DejaVu6 here. There's a world of difference between being the step parent that had an affair with your spouse and broke the family vs. the one who comes onto the scene years later and played no part in it - much easier for the LBS to accept the latter than the former.