So I think it is probably also confusing to the WS. On one hand you are sending him pictures or in Ginger's case playing MarioKart so everyone thinks everything is cool with blended families. If they didn't think it was cool, I guarantee you it would be "I" thank you instead of "we".
It's totally cool to do the blended family thing if you think it's best for your kids but it is totally ok to teach your kids about boundaries too.
I don’t want to speak for DV, however, it’s not about being or acting like a blended family. It’s not that DV isn’t doing what’s right for the kids. She keeps a good friendly, although not friends relationship with the ex and the Wife. She doesn’t keep that because she really likes them, just like I don’t keep mine because I really like them either . It’s good for the kids. We both know it. And it’s good for us too I’m having a collaborative flexible realationship which also benefits us when it comes to parenting.
Like I’ve explained myself, it’s like having 2 very real situations you are trying handle and the feelings that come with them. Just because we do it, doesn’t mean we won’t be affected or triggered by certain things. I think the momma bear still gets triggered and we still haven’t forgotten why we are sharing our children with this OP. So yes, certain things are triggering. It doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the stepparents being good to our children and caring about them. I know I am Grateful. OW had to pick D 14 up from school yesterday when she called upset about something and I was on a plane. I am thankful she did that. But I can’t forget how she became another person who does those things for her. It’s tough to feel both sides of the coin and separate the feelings.
We are not a blended family, but these are people that are now married to our childrens parents. Those worlds are going to collide. And DV, you handle it like a champ
And not to hi Jack, DV seems to have very healthy boundaries. I had mine when my D and OW wanted me to go to a hockey game with them. I couldn’t do it. So I sent my daughter, with her to go watch OUR sport, and even leant OW a team shirt because my D asked me too. Did it hurt me for them to share what my daughter and I have as our special thing. Yup. Did it make me happy she was able to bring my daughter to a her favorite sporting event? Yes.
G-money you are not wrong but you are on year 13. With Deja it is still raw and she might not be there yet. My exw told her goofy BF not to come to the wedding I was at because I don't play happy family. Maybe you guys are better people then me? Well actually you are. But not gonna do it. Hopefully 13 years from now we are all sitting around laughing about it but it's not funny to me right now.
Don - You SHOULD read my thread because I doubt you would have the same opinion if you did. He put me and our kids through HELL for years by pretending to go to fake medical treatments that allowed him to be away from us with “permission”. The entire time, I was having to reassure our kids that daddy wasn’t dying and take on all of the responsibility for their care whilst simultaneously worrying about my ill spouse who I literally told on a regular basis how much I admired him for facing his illness with such courage. Four years of that Don. Four years!!!! Every single day, he got up each morning and made the decision to keep putting us through that. He saw how much we were suffering and he did not care… he did it anyway. We spent birthdays and Christmases without him… all the while thinking he was in a hospital getting painful treatments. And you tell me that I just simply don’t like him so it doesn’t matter what he does, it will never be enough. For the record, I’ve given him plenty of credit when he has done something good for our kids… both on here and in person. I’ve also been more than fair to him (again…if you had read my story, you would know that). The notion of me liking him or not liking him doesn’t really resonate with me. It’s not like I sit at home ruminating about him because most of the time, he doesn’t actually enter into my thoughts much at all. When I see him and we have a pleasant interaction, I like him just fine. When he does things like send me the text equivalent of a condescending pat on the head, it triggers me, I write about it here and then I get over it. It doesn’t impact our coparenting relationship any more than that. Today’s a new day.
Dawn… I do think you are personalizing this. I’m a stepmother as well and I have a great relationship with my SD22. However, I came along seven years after her birth and had nothing to do with the demise of the relationship between her mom and dad (such as it was…her mom “dated” him when he was engaged to his first wife). In fact, his daughter met both me and XH at around the same time. I am the reason her dad was in her life at all and her mother, as difficult as she is, recognizes this and has told SD how happy she is that I am still in her life and still a big support to her. We aren’t friends but we do have an amicable relationship. It wasn’t easy to get there though because SD’s mom and XH hated each other and I often got the brunt of that from both sides. I became the go between, despite it being an unending source of stress, with the hope that not having to deal with the mom would enable XH to build a better relationship with his daughter. As I have written about on here before, though, it was all for naught as he f’ed it up anyway. So I give stepmothers all the credit in the world…it is a difficult job and it was a horrendous job for me for years.
As you pointed out, though, you came along after his marriage to their mother had ended so you weren’t part of that. This is not that situation and that makes a huge difference. She and XH dragged our kids into their affair by introducing them to her under false pretences months before I had any idea she even existed. A completely selfish move that did not, in any way, reflect any kind of consideration for our kids’ wellbeing. That’s not my definition of love. That aside, I do recognize and appreciate that she is good to my kids and I’ve never said otherwise which is why I write about my feelings in this forum and keep them from my kids. They are my feelings and I get to have them. Maybe I’ll feel differently in a few years, maybe not, but that’s for me to decide.
Interesting development… after writing about my skepticism that XH will ever take them anywhere, I get a text from him today telling me they are hoping to take the kids on a cruise to Alaska in July and are in the planning stages (translation - I just thought of it). There is NO WAY that is a coincidence. Clearly he and OW are still reading my thread. Guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. I probably gave them way too much credit thinking that they would respect my privacy after I found out about them being on here. Seriously…why do they have such a burning need to read my diary?!?! Oh well…when I decided to “live in the light”, I knew this was a possibility. If I can shame him into stepping up, that’s a win for my kids so happy to take one for the team.
