we're done again (#3)

[mako]

Hi BL,

Fantastic you get to see your kids on a regular basis during your "OFF" weeks. I have the same luxury in my sitch based on my virtual job and work schedule. Definitely a concern of mine with the D to miss out on half my kids' lives, so have done anything I can to stay engaged.

Yeah, it really is nice to still see them most days, I don’t feel so far apart from them even if it’s just like 30 minutes in the morning and afternoon.

One thing I should add, a big plus to all this is I’ve improved my mindset with my kids. I wasn’t always very good at being a father. I always loved them completely of course, but they often overwhelmed me and parenting was always something that stressed me out. That’s not really the case all that much anymore. I hate having them just half the time, but I think it makes me appreciate them more and keeps me rejuvenated.

Sounds like you've given it some thought so don't want to argue with your pros & cons, but believe you should really think about a move like this. {snip, a bunch of valid reasons not to move}

If it's really best for your kids and for you, then go for it.

I know. Everything you say is part of the consideration, I've gone back and forth at times. It’s tough, and hard to figure out what the right thing is for all of us. So far moving feels like the right thing. I’m not all that concerned about the younger two, the oldest I am.

One might say "just wait and figure things out, you don't have to decide yet," and that is also partly true. But if I did that I would need to get ready to buy W out (at current very high values) so I'd basically be making the decision anyway.

This does seem crazy. How can a parent move so far away from your kids' home base? It also sounds untenable. There's another poster (Drh2001?) who's W went as far across state lines and almost as far away and he has the kids most of the weeks. The kids are going to resent her for it, and she's going to start resenting it as well. I know you're considering moving to be closer, but she can't have banked on you doing that. Wonder what her long term plan was? Likely didn't have one. It's going to cause on a strain on her and any potential OM too I bet.

I wonder if the 45 min move wasn't about another man more so than a reasonable place to rent. Though, like you said it doesn't matter now. Your kids being a little older you'd think you might get a clue about it from them. At least she didn't move a guy right in with them off the bat.

Keep up being a great dad to your kids and keep staying busy on your OFF weeks. You're making progress. You'll get there...

I don’t understand it. When she moved out I was still planning to keep the house so she didn’t have any expectation for the driving to improve. I think she just didn’t really think of how big a deal it was going to be. It certainly could have been based on some OM, but I never really got that impression even though like I said I wouldn’t really know.

Thanks for the input!