Living in the Light VII

[Dawn70]

Interestingly, I actually agree with Don. Particularly on the part of someone taking "ownership" of the kids. I didn't say anything before Don posted because I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive about it. I don't have children of my own that I carried and gave birth to, but I have 5 beautiful and amazing daughters all the same. Why? Because the birth parents of those 5 women have allowed me to be part of their lives and to love them how I needed to and be there and support them and I have cultivated relationships with all of them. Now, I will admit, it was easier with Sparky's girls since I came into their lives when they were adults. My 3 daughters from my XH were teenagers when I came into their lives and as I have said before, wow....that was a row to hoe for sure. I am NOT defending the cheating that an OW does, but I have been in the shoes of being an XH's new wife and being hated for it for that reason alone, even though I didn't even know the dude when he was with his XW. My XH's first XW (and birth mother of the girls) HATED me at first because the girls really liked me. I was NOT the OW and had not even known our now shared XH until he'd been divorced from her for 4 or 5 years. She would make catty little remarks directly to me and really laid it on thick with the girls about how I was just trying to "buy" their love (which is actually what she started doing when she landed her now husband who made obscene amounts of money).

I don't know how it feels to have the child you carried love a "mother" who isn't you. I can't and won't ever know how that feels. But I do know what it is like to be a woman who loves the children that belong to another mother. I never once tried to replace my daughters' mothers, but rather tried to construct my own relationship with them so that they could have the advantage of having more people in their lives who love and support them. Now that the girls are adults, their mother finally GETS IT and she's accepted me. She refers to me as her girls second mama all the time. What a distance we've traveled from the beginning.

I say all that to say I feel for mothers who have to share their children with their XH's OWs, but at the same time, I do think the kids win when ALL the adults can just love and support the kids despite their differences. I am sure I will get hate for that opinion, but it is what it is and again, I just agree with what Don said. It really should be about the kids winning, plain and simple.