Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she had a headache or was tired. Maybe something else aggravated her and she was upset at that rather than this. I wouldn't take it personally.
Also, I would suggest giving her the information differently. When you approached her you could have said: "I'd liked to pick her up at X time because we got invited to hang with some other dads and daughters ahead of time." Rather than just blindside her with an early time.
Not a big deal really, but I just thought I'd give that perspective.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I’m not sure that this makes much sense, but I oddly felt lonelier before the divorce. This last week I missed my two days with the kids because of a funeral on my ex-wife side. I won’t get to see the kids for nine days. But I’m seven days through it I’m kind of enjoying being by myself.
We’re oddly before the divorce I felt like I was in a hurry today now I’m not feeling that at all. Part of me still thinks it would be nice to meet somebody wonderful, but there’s another part that just doesn’t want to go through the work or really need to deal with it. It’s a different feeling than before.
Bro relax you’ve been divorced for ten seconds. Enjoy your singleness you never know how long it’s going to last. I personally think you need at least a year to grieve your marriage. You were about as attached to your ex as we’ve seen on this board.
I’m not sure that this makes much sense, but I oddly felt lonelier before the divorce. This last week I missed my two days with the kids because of a funeral on my ex-wife side. I won’t get to see the kids for nine days. But I’m seven days through it I’m kind of enjoying being by myself.
We’re oddly before the divorce I felt like I was in a hurry today now I’m not feeling that at all. Part of me still thinks it would be nice to meet somebody wonderful, but there’s another part that just doesn’t want to go through the work or really need to deal with it. It’s a different feeling than before.
Interesting Scott. I'm a believer in feeling what we feel in the moment. I think it is further sign of emotional growth that you are okay alone. A lot of people aren't. We see it all the time on this forum, fear of being alone. It causes LBSs to jump right into a new serious relationship before they are ready. I think its really good that while you have a longing, it is not consuming you. I've said before that I think LBSs that jump right to dating apps and swiping left and right, either before the D is final, or immediately after, have something missing that they are trying to fill. The sad part is that means they are setting themselves up for another heartbreak down the road. I think one of the dumbest sayings ever is "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else". That literally gives me the heeby jeebies to hear. Its like drinking to dull pain. It is just masking the pain. When it is all said and done, the pain comes back.
So I'm glad to hear you say what you said in your last post. As I've said before, you're a example of a LBS that has put in, and are putting in the work. And you're going to better for it. You didn't take shortcuts, and therefore when you're ready the world will be your oyster and you will attract high quality potentials because of it!
Last edited by SteveLW; 03/09/2201:50 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
As I said before every Arch is different...My reasoning for telling Scott to talk to some one is 1) to see what his chances are and 2) understand the process fully before starting because it's an obnoxiously tedious process.
True, you qualified your comments with "every Arch is different" and I can't disagree with meeting with a priest or deacon up front to better understand the process, but you also said:
Originally Posted by wayfarer
I know what the annulment paperwork looks like. And you are wasting your time my friend.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
If you want to at least try for your own peace of mind, by all means, but IMO it's an exercise in futility.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
But a Catholic annulment is incredibly rare. Even now.
When you tell ScottB & taz they're "wasting time", it's "an exercise in futility", and they're "incredibly rare even now", you're at best not accurately describing the likelihood of an annulment and at worst grossly misleading folks. I wouldn't want folks reading through to get an inaccurate view.
Originally Posted by ScottB
So I started working through the annulment paperwork with the Catholic Church. It’s got 30 questions and it found some of the to be really good and insightful, though a bit sad.
I would describe it like an investigation of a crime scene or an old fashioned school report on the marriage. It includes detailed questions about courtship, family of orgin, communication styles, and the history of the marriage.
It will take me hours to complete properly but I’m already learning and seeing places where the marriage failed and where I failed in the marriage that I hadn’t recognized before and I wish I had.
Personally I have not pursued an annulment (to my mother's disappointment, I'm sure LOL). My view is we did make vows and lived together for 7 years as spouses and had two kids together, so it's silly to pretend a marriage never existed. However, I honestly never thought about the angle of a deep dive into the marital issues and learning and growing from that and ScottB's description of the process and its benefits has some appeal. If for nothing else to improve for the future. After all, that's a big part of why a lot of us are still here on this board.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
We aren't talking about a woman that was cheated on or abused here.
This is the million dollar statement that puts most LBH here. This was the bar many, many years ago. The stakes have change and unfortunately no one is telling the players that the game has changed. Nothing in school, nothing in college most don't find out until it's too late. You get married you get a marriage license. Heck now when you get a job you get a couple page long job description on what is expect of you. Esther Perel has a great podcast on what is expected out of a mate in today's world. Everything that an entire village use to provide. The institution of marriage is an outdated practice that will IMO eventually die out as it is no longer needed for survival.
LH makes a great point here.
There probably was a time decades ago when even in the cases of physical abuse, drug abuse, serial infidelity...etc. society still frowned upon divorce and said to accept the circumstances and keep it quite, and even made it difficult or impossible to get a divorce. That was wrong. There needs to be some standard for walking away.
However, the pendulum has swung way too far in the other direction, where it's very acceptable and not even really taboo anymore to break vows and split up families simply because one person isn't happy for awhile and wants to seek out the possibilities of greener pastures, regardless of their commitments to their spouse and kids. Under these circumstances it certainly seems like the institution has lost meaning and may not last.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I went up to my ex to let her know that I would pick my daughter up at 12:30 PM tomorrow for a daddy daughter dance it starts at 2 PM
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I would suggest giving her the information differently. When you approached her you could have said: "I'd liked to pick her up at X time because we got invited to hang with some other dads and daughters ahead of time." Rather than just blindside her with an early time.
I'll second SteveLW's take. The way you describe it you told her instead of asked her. Perhaps the way you broached it impacted her response? Presumably it was on her time, so it's fair to pose it as a question explaining why rather than telling her how it's going to be.
Originally Posted by LH19
Scotty B you guys need space from each other. Lots and lots of space. It’s going to take some time for her to burn through the resentment.
LH is right. Space and time will help smooth these interactions in the future.
[quote=SteveLW]I too do not know Scott above what he has posted here. He sure seems like a good guy though. I stand by what I said, that his ex is going to live to regret letting him go. [quote=Traveler]Scott, you're not a narcissist. Some day she'll realize. ^Agreed!
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
However, the pendulum has swung way too far in the other direction, where it's very acceptable and not even really taboo anymore to break vows and split up families simply because one person isn't happy for awhile and wants to seek out the possibilities of greener pastures, regardless of their commitments to their spouse and kids. Under these circumstances it certainly seems like the institution has lost meaning and may not last.
This is a great point. I know my opinion on this is not going to be popular, but I've often said marriages are too easy to get into, and too difficult to get out of. People now view marriage as binding as they used to view dating. Lots of reasons for that in my opinion. The acceptance of living together before marriage, quickie divorces (when kids aren't involved), etc. I usually do not bring this up much because I get accused of thrusting my values on others, but you are right BL. Society has made it acceptable to take vows for life, and then decide later you didn't really mean it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
BL42: You said "My view is we did make vows and lived together for 7 years as spouses and had two kids together, so it's silly to pretend a marriage never existed."
I'm going to make an assumption, based on your interest in the topic, that you are Catholic. Our faith says that a marriage cannot end. So, if your marriage ended, it could not have been a marriage by that definition - at least that's how I think of it. And I would hope for myself, that I can actually enjoy a real marriage.
So I think the value of discovery in the documents and discussion with the deacon or priest is helpful to do an autopsy on the "marriage" but there is also some grace in having the marriage annulled. I just spoke to a friend the other day who went through the process and got an annulment and he was happy I'm going through it. He said it really helped him, brought closure, and lifted a spiritual weight.
