A bit of an update. After saying I am going to go to do the test when it suits me no matter what, H insisted that he drives me there and stays with me. I think this is another control aspect as when he thinks he is losing control with me not relying on him he feels he has no reason to give in. Another thing I have told H is to stop love bombing via text in a clearer "your actions speak louder than words. It is confusing for me when you say things via text yet you are staying with someone else. I do not think this should continue." He did not say much after this. Today, after he picked up our son he sat down with me saying how he wants to comfort me. He hugged me tightly, kissed my hands and stroke my pregnant belly. I was not sure how to deal with it that I just distracted him or tried to get away from him and dealt with my son. I know this might be the hormones, but I did feel vulnerable and it makes me want more attention and affection. I also cannot say I don't like it, but I am not entirely sure how to think of this. I told him as he was leaving home that it confuses and hurts me that he does this and he just said sorry. I am no longer as angry with him as before so is it really that bad that sometimes I get some comfort from him? I understand his decision, and it feels like I am doing that for my own comfort and not to make him come back.
Ann, please remember that your situation is YOUR situation. Not ours. So while you might get some 2x4s and you might get some advice contrary to what you want to do, you shouldn't take that personally. We all are here just trying to help LBSs tread the waters of their situation with an objective perspective or perspectives to help them. So while the forum might tell you that you should do A, it is still in your power to do B. We see a lot of LBSs that struggle with this and think they are doing "wrong" when they go against the advice. There is no right or wrong in how you approach your H, there is simply things that the collective here have seen work better than other approaches.
As far as the test, I would encourage you to step back and ask what YOU want. You said he insisted. Why does he get to INSIST? AnnKay should get a say. If you are okay with his plan, fine. But if you aren't then you need to find your strength and standup for yourself and say: "No, I do not want you there. I am going to have a friend take me." Etc. Remember, you cannot nice him back to the MR. Commanding respect is paramount to being nice.
As far as the hugging kissing rubbing, etc. I guess the question is do you want someone that just left another person's house/bed, kissing and hugging you? This is completely up to you, but a lot of people are disgusted by the thought that he was potentially doing the same affections with the OP minutes/hours before he is doing that with you. It also is bad for detachment. It is hard to detach from someone appropriately when you they are hugging and kissing on you. It can be done, but most people find it very difficult to do.
AnnKay, remember, do not put too much value on him hugging, kissing you, rubbing your belly or SAYING he wants to take care of you. He is telling you all you need to know by going home afterwards to OW. That is where he is really telling you what you need to know. Lots of LBSs struggle with this. "He comes over, he's nice, he fixes things at the house, he hugged me and said he loved me! He then left to go home where he lives with OW, but I think things are changing!" That is focusing on what we like (the first part) and ignoring the most important part (the second part).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
