Update ~ I always appreciated seeing "there is life after D with kids" posts from people like Gekko, Maika, etc. so here we go.
Things are going mostly great. I had the kids for a week off from school and took them skiing and snowboarding for the first time, which they all loved. I won't be working from home much longer, but for now it's been nice picking the kids up after school and getting some extra time with them while I work a bit in the late afternoons.
On a personal level, I ran a marathon recently after 6 months of training, something I thought I would never do. I'm planning to make a kitchen table in the next couple months during some free time. Things are going great with GF (also a parent of 3). She lives about an hour away, and we both are content with how things are given the realities of parenthood. We fill our free weekends mostly heading out for adventures. What I appreciate the most is being with someone who can communicate well, and the fact we both are in it for the adventure and not adding the pressure of expectations.
I was considering buying a house this spring to give some stability for my kids but the market here is crazy and I'm not comfortable putting all my savings into a house. For now I may rent for another year and wait until I'm more settled with finances. It's going to be tight but in 4 years my spousal support obligations expire and things will be much easier.
Things with XW are unchanged. We still exchange the kids at locations with cameras, primarily at my insistence given all the false allegations during our custody case. I think it makes things rough on the kids (not seeing their parents talk) and I'm hoping things gradually thaw for their sake. The kids don't talk much about what they do with XW (although the youngest let slip that BF has moved in). They tend to tell XW everything that happens at my house, and usually every 2-3 weeks I hear a complaint about something or other. I'm happy they feel comfortable sharing with their mom. The oldest 2 are in IC, but it is hard to tell how they feel about things, especially D8 who has some strong emotional outbursts from time to time. My approach is to just be consistent and solid for them as best as I can.
From time to time we go to coparenting counseling, usually initiated by XW over some perceived major issue. I don't mind going, but her approach seems to be to try to convince the counselor of her rightness, rather than trying to work together towards a solution. Recently, he suggested we have a short conversation in front of the kids, which we did -- she started telling me about her family and I mostly nodded and said "Oh" or whatever. We text or OFW about the kids once or twice a week. We still allow each other to video chat with the kids when they are with the other parent. XW often runs her calls up to an hour, sometimes having the kids read her books. I think it's too much and encroaching on my time with them, but haven't decided how to approach it. At times I have long calls with them, but usually it's a short 5 minute check-in... I'm usually busy with something or another.
As for my feelings, I would say I'm 90% indifferent with a 10% mix of residual resentment, not about the D but for how it actually transpired and the fallout on our kids. I'm a much happier person now. I'm a much better father now. I love my time with my kids, and I love my time without them. Things aren't perfect, and I often feel like I have no clue what I'm doing with life, but mostly I'm staying in the moment and enjoying the unpredictability of life.
