Create the life...

[Elbereth]

Thanks DnJ. And Traveler, yes, they have shown strong and extended support for a widow who is a close friend, but I get a completely different lower level response. I try to remember that this is not just a direct conflict in the way they have responded, but rather that as a whole society treats D and betrayal as a completely different thing. I’ve also witnessed losses of spouses to death in all sides of my family and for them they rally the same way.

Unless someone has experienced it, they have no idea how this experience for many is worse than a death of a spouse. Not to belittle or lesson that devastation. This is because in death, one usually knows they were loved and it’s a serious loss, yes, but that of loving and secure connection. But in betrayal, its the loss of the person you thought you knew as well as the loss of yourself from the whole traumatic experience. It is NOT the loss of a secure and loving connection, instead its a loss of a relationship you come to realize was built on trauma, lies and deception, and I’d go as far to say mental abuse (gaslighting, etc). At least for a portion of the relationship, which can be even more confusing. Add MLC on top of that and you have years of suffering and rebuilding ahead of you, and you pretty much end up doing it alone, and feeling judged by others for struggling.

I know I need to find a new IC. But the hard part is I have so many things I HAVE to do…and the added stress of finding one is also a burden that I am struggling to handle. The more I have learned about relationships (healthy and unhealthy) and the more I realize that I have a lot of emotional stuff I am left to deal with, on top of the stress of D and moving, and my job situation not going well. It’s a bit overwhelming at the moment. So I just keep trying to make it one day at a time. I know it’s no replacement but I am reading self-help books and putting some energy into my healing and moving forward. So I’m not shut down. There is progress. But I also realize that I can only take myself so far. I just need to get through the next few months and hopefully I can have the energy to take on finding a good IC specializing in MLC, betrayal trauma, and narcissistic abuse.

Glad you dropped by! I appreciate it!

El