One question for you first, since I'm not a native English speaking person, nor do I know the meaning of Groundhog's Day. I know it is some kind of celebration in the United States but I don't know the meaning of it.
"It's just my opinion but it feels like Ground Hog's day on this thread."
I respectfully disagree. It's just my opinion but it feels like Ground Hog's day on this thread.
Originally Posted by LH19
Eagle, Ground Hogs day is a movie where a guy wakes up and lives the same day every day without anything changing. It was my attempt to say that three years later you are doing the same thing expecting different results. Also known as the definition of insanity. One of my favorite quotes fits here "you can ignore reality but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality".
LH, Can I honestly ask you what is respectful about this reply?
You literally call me an insane person.
Either I misunderstand or I am actually reading it correctly and you are simply out to hurt me deeply. Well, I can honestly tell you that you succeeded.
To be clear, if I had been stuck for 3 years, I wouldn't be divorced today (remember, this takes a few months in the best case) and our house wouldn't be for sale. Everything, absolutely everything, was in my hands in regards to this.
The only thing I didn't do was give him up on him emotionally, for 3 years I picked him up when he fell hard. And yes, that was wrong, but if you have shared your life with someone for 18 years, it is very difficult to let that person down. Like DnJ said, he keeps coming back, and I've allowed this. Only the last time he came back (this was 2 months ago) he said that he did not come back to save our M, but because he was so stuck and needed a safe place to land. His actions and words the first weeks told the opposite, however, in the last weeks a complete turnaround (wanting back to OW2, expression of aggression, etc.) which made me realize that I have done enough for him.
Mentally I have made the right decisions, emotionally until recently not. Yes, that was because I loved him deeply.
Sorry LH, I'm really blown away by your response. You may talk to each other that way, but in my culture this is not the way to threat people. I may be the only one on this forum who thinks this is wrong, so be it.
But luckily most of the people who I got to know over the past year have proofed otherwise.
Eagle I apologize it wasn't meant to hurt you it was to help you to let go and move forward.
I didn't call you an insane person I just said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing with a different result. Sometimes I over make my point.
I have been through the pain you have and don't want to see you going through it over and over. I hope you find peace.
I definitely think there might be a language /cultural barrier here.
It’s a popular saying everywhere “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” it doesn’t mean you are calling a person insane. It’s more of a metaphor. It’s like if someone keeps a diet of pizza and ice cream and continually says “ I don’t j sweat and why I’m not losing weight “
It means every time you let him back with his words you hope something is going to change but it doesn’t. It means you have done the same thing multiple times, but keep getting the same result.
And there is a lot of truth in it for all of us and not an insult, I promise you. I was surely guilty of it myself. I’m not insane ( well, that’s debatable, lol) but I just stopped doing all these things that just ended up hurting me and didn’t yield the results I had hoped they would. Did my ex come back? No. But I got to quite hurting myself and sacrificing myself . And it’s a good thing you have realized that all the codependent picking up of the pieces that hurt you greatly isn’t going to get you what you hope for and you have finally decided to stop sacrificing yourself
hugs Eagle. I agree with D ... you've moved forward with authenticity and integrity to yourself and your love for your family. Yes, 18 years is a long time to love someone and be partners - hard to unwrap that in a mere three years without some backwards and forwards dance steps. You're doing such a great job! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks G for clearing that up. Eagle I apologize again I just get frustrated when I see good people like yourself abused by these blood sucking leaches and destroy perfectly good families. If I saw your STBXH I would like to kick him in the nuts. Definitely not a metaphor lol.
