WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (6)

[BL42]

Ginger1,

A lot of people are under the assumption that when dating as a single parent, the kids would have to get kicked out that position. Not at all! It’s finding the time and learning to balance dating on a priority list. How to learn how to give both emotionally and time wise to both dating/ a partner and your children. It’s not easy! It’s a real challenge. But totally doable.

I’ve dated a lot of guys who use the “my kids are my number one priority” to have an out of effort and commitment. That’s not cool with me. They also tend to forget I have a child too and I manage to prioritize .

In conclusion, you never have to take your kids off the priority list. You just have to learn how to work it all in.

Good point. Kids are my most important but that doesn't mean no priority for a dating partner either. I'm a put in the effort kind of guy, so don't think this would be the case once I start dating more, but to your point it will be challenging to balance and fit it all in but certainly possible.

The most important thing before dating is to be sure you are really DONE with your ex - that you wouldn't take them back even if they came crawling back. It's just not fair to date people and then end up reconciling. But it sounds like you are safely there.

You can never know for certain until real life presents itself, but honestly believe I'm completely done w/ExW.

As for the schoolteacher - the thing I'd be most concerned about it, does she want children? And if you did date a woman who wanted to have kids, would you be open to it? If not - if you feel yours are enough and you don't want to father more kids - you should avoid dating childless women unless they make it clear they have never wanted to have kids.

Interesting question. I love being a father and absolutely would've been open to more children in our family before BD/D, and was initially thinking I'd be open to more afterwards as well (in relation to meeting new women, but as time progresses and things settle I find myself more and more leaning towards "no". Guess it'll depend on the woman and how I feel at the time, but I find myself thinking "that's probably it".

And please, don't introduce your kids to your dates until you've been dating at least 6 months and are pretty sure it is going somewhere. Kids don't need to go through the process of getting emotionally attached and then experiencing another loss when the relationship breaks up.

I agree w/this stance. I thought it horrible they had to go through mom moving out and then almost immediately having a new guy move in. What a confusing whirlwind of disruption. They don't need to experience that with dad too. I assume, as well as some ramp up time of getting to know the other person if it does become serious before moving in so abruptly.

When you ask someone on a date, all they're getting into is a date with you!

Good point. Don't put the cart before the horse; one date at a time.

Are you imagining a new nuclear family? Your kids have a mom already. As for if you and she hit it off, what role she may play in your kids' lives, that depends on how they hit it off...Post-D families can look different. Flexibility is needed.

I'm not looking for a replacement mother. A future woman I date will never be their mom. However, my kids are very young and to have a LTR will likely mean integrating that future woman in with the kids at some point. A part of dating is seeing if you're compatible and with me that also means two young children. Doesn't mean I can't go out on a few times and just enjoy the dates but at some point there will be a decision to be made, so that'll be a factor in the back of my mind for a long time. It'd be different if they were older, say teenage or college, and then a major step like moving in wouldn't be as disruptive.