Pregnant, Abandoned Twice, OW Affairs MLC? the Lot

[SteveLW]

Relating to Ready2Change’s points, there are 2 things I really need H's help with but will value any input.

1. I am supposed to have a Gestational Diabetes test that will normally take at least 2 hours this week or the next. H has been difficult to pin down and despite 'committing' for a timeslot to take me there, he is still complaining that he is very busy. I am a bit fed up feeling like such a burden and although I am trying to be understanding, I am hesitating to just go with one of my friends or maybe on my own. It will be challenging on my own as I need to fast beforehand and because of my fainting, it will be best that I have someone there. Should I just go according to plan (with H), or just say that I am going to get someone else to go with? I am just afraid that he might see this as me being spiteful and not appreciative of is troubles, and might lead him to not be so helpful in the future.

2. I feel quite anxious in the weekends, because it’s normally the time when we spend as a family together. Because of this, I tend to plan one day to spend with close friends. I also feel like my son was starting to feel some dislike towards his Dad, so I see it as a bonding experience aside from it being great help to me. We are coming into Labour Day long weekend, and I had loosely planned to do a girl’s staycation with some of my friends. My H has agreed to watch my son 2 days out of the 3 day weekend. I am now a bit unsure if this is too much, although he seemed to be happy to do it. I just fear that I am missing something here, otherwise, why would he suddenly be so agreeable? Will he just think that I am doing this to get him away from OW, which would be pointless as I would not be physically there. Another part of me thinks that this is his responsibility, so he should step up.

Any perspective to all of this will be greatly appreciated. I just feel sometimes that I am overthinking and making things even more complicated for myself.

On #1, I will admit that I am torn. Normally I'd tell you to get someone else to help you BUT this is his child you are carrying too, so I can see why he would need to be the one to help you. I guess my advice is to let him take care of your son while you have a friend help you through the test.

On #2, when he is willing and wants to, let him be a dad to his son. I would suggest going with the original plan for the weekend. And in the future get a child care schedule set up. Many LBSs feel a lot better with coparenting in physical separation when there is a schedule in place.

Overthinking things is a common mistake. It usually goes something like: "I haven't heard from him in a few days, oh no, my situation is hopeless!" then "He is being agreeable, maybe he wants to come back!" As BL said, you cannot believe anything he says. So do not put a lot of value on his words. Actions speak louder than words. We've had LBSs here that hang on every word their WAS says, even though the WAS's actions are diametrically opposed to what they are saying. Trying to find an emotional evenness should be your goal, in fact that is detachment. Not reacting emotionally to his words or deeds.