Thank you, Steve for your valuable input. I realise I need a wake-up call in looking at this. I am normally quite good at compartmentalizing, but I also do not want to feel like I have given up on my marriage by "moving forward."

Originally Posted by SteveLW
So what is the advice you are seeking? To get him to come home?

If that is what the are looking to make happen, I think you need to adjust your expectations. It is pretty clear from what you wrote what he wants. He wants to be with OW, he wants a divorce , but he also wants you sitting and pining for him so that he can come back anytime he wants.

Yes, of course it would be ideal that he comes home, but I know how far this is from reality at the moment. I am sure a lot people in this forum have said the same thing about not believing that someone they marry could choose to divorce them. I still do not believe that H actually meant what he said about the divorce. Maybe I am blind, but (I thought) we were happy in our marriage and we had no real issue (that I know of or have been communicated about), which makes it even harder for me to adjust expectations.
I even remembered thinking it was all too good to be true. I guess this should have been my first hint that something was wrong.

Originally Posted by SteveLW
You talk about not having much of a support system. Is there anyone, a sister, mom, friend anyone that could come stay with you through the birth? You mention a friend you stayed with, is this someone that can help through this time? My point with this is that I'm not sure your H can be counted on. Remember, likely future behavior can be determined by past relevant behavior. If OW won't let him see his son, I'm not sure she will support him helping through the rest of this pregnancy. So I'd start planning without him. If he ends up making himself available you can adjust accordingly.

He has attended all bar one OB appointments so far, but it would be sad if he is not going to be there for the birth. Now that the travel restrictions are getting eased, ironically, my Mother in Law has made arrangements to come first to support me.
Should I ask H straight up whether he was planning to be there for the birth? Especially knowing that it is not always something we can schedule.