I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but here we go. Apologies beforehand that this is going to be long. I have been following and reading different posts here and found lots of the discussion very helpful. I guess I was a little intimidated that I am not quite the expert in dealing with these things. A little background, H left me twice, first time in had a 2 month-long warning in July. He said he wanted to end things because he had been having a full blown A for about two years. I was blindsided. Things were normal between us. We have been trying for baby number 2 so I doubt he was sex deprived. Few months before this though, he felt a bit more distant and I brought it up. He just said he is tired, busy and stressed with work, and I know his work was getting a bit much, so I let it go then. We tried to work it out (mostly me). But BD mid-September.
After BD I went straight to full swing counselling, lawyer consultation, and DB coaching. Practiced all the detachment and stayed friendly as I need him to share the care of our 3 year old son. In October, I found out I was pregnant. I told him about it. He was cold and distant at first, and then suddenly, 19 October he came back. I asked him what this meant, and he said, well this will be permanent, he will never do this again and will want to be a family for real this time. He said the baby was a wake up call for him and he realised he wanted to comfort me, make me feel loved and he should be taking care of me. We spent the rest of the year and Christmas together and it did feel genuinely like we were starting (almost) fresh. I had a list of things he needed to do before he came back, including getting new wedding rings, getting counselling and getting psychologist for him. He struggled with depression and had often decided to leave me when he is depressed in the past. He has not been depressed since we moved to Australia where we live now, but God knows what is happening. He also assured me he was no longer talking to OW, although was still unwilling to show his phone.
In January, I posted a pregnancy announcement on Instagram. Around midnight he just suddenly said he had to go to the OW’s place because she is threatening suicide when she found out I was pregnant through instagram. We were not friends. She pretended to be someone else through a spoof account. He was shaking and really insisted he had to go. He assured me everything was going to be ok and he loves me. H was only gone less than an hour but I felt something was off. He admitted that he was lying about not contacting her.
All through the week, H was acting funny. I confronted him when he appeared to be texting and he just bursted to confession/guilt tripping me. He said everything from blaming me for being pregnant, that all this mess would not have happened if I just would let him go to begin with (like yeah, the obvious fault of the H cheating on his wife never occured to him). H just turned completely vile, accusing me of not letting him be with who he wanted to be with, and the most stupid remark was “everybody else has got a divorce, why can’t I?” followed by “when I was growing up, I wished my Dad just had a divorce instead of dead.” His Dad died of sudden heart attack nearby where he lived. I bet he would not be happy hearing that.
I let him have whatever word he wanted by then because I know he is talking out of his a**. He left on 9 Jan and went straight to living with OW. I was 4 months pregnant then. We remained friendly until again, a week after OW found new Instagram posts I posted that happened to have H and his son. She effectively banned him from coming and seeing her son. I was so angry at H for letting himself get dictated by OW and just said not to see us or contact us because I am disappointed of how much he is letting himself get influenced to treat his son. We did not see each other although he texted lots, all mostly ignored by me. I felt happy and at peace then, but I was so tired having to be pregnant and dealing with a toddler and a full time job. I do not have much support here in Australia as we moved here from England and it is very full on. At the time family and friends were mostly caught in the covid travel restrictions and could not come to be with me. I was so anxious I could not even eat, and being pregnant it took a toll. I ended up having fainting episodes and having to told to rest by doctor, so I had no choice but to get in touch with H again for son’s care. He did come and help do daycare pick ups and drop offs and getting groceries but I was so disgusted to see him I ended up taking refuge at one of my friends house for few days while he stayed in the house to take care of my son.
After I came back he started to text bomb me, flirting and saying how much he misses me every five minutes. For a week or so I must have received around 100 texts a day from him, even on the times and days that he was supposed to be with OW. I confronted him and asked him what does he want. He said he wished he could be with me and happy but it was not that simple (and it was simpler to leave his pregnant wife and toddler?). He stoped texting as often after this conversation.
I know I should have practised more DB the time when he came back and more of detachment now, but sometimes I feel that different approach could help? I just sometimes feel lost and there is not a lot of GAL in I can do 6 months pregnant.
I do worry whether he will want to be back for the birth as we are away from family here in Australia. also not sure if he has MLC at the moment, as he just does not feel like the person I chose to marry all these times.
Any input or advice here will be very welcome!
H 46 W (me) 39 Together 12 years Married 8 Years Son 3 6 months pregnant with D BD early July 2021 finally left 15/09/2021 came back 19/10/2021 left 2nd time 9/01/2022
