But later, after she left, I started to dwell. Like, should I have made it appear that I’m all together and doing fabulous? That I’ve moved on. That I’m super okay. I’m not a good liar so even if I had tried to do this, I’m not sure it would have come off as truth. I also was not all fixed up or anything, so I surely didn’t look fabulous.
A part of me shouldn’t care that STBXH might hear that I am not okay. A part of me feels that after all that he has done, and is still doing, it’s not going to change anything anyway. I don’t want him back anyway. But a part of me also doesn’t want him to have any satisfaction that I’m still hurting after all this time. What ever ego boost that might give him. Then I beat myself up for the thoughts that I am even thinking about him at all.
I don’t know. It’s just all so confusing and hard. I feel so stuck in the muck right now.
The in-laws, a very sensitive subject to me as well. Most of my in-laws are still very much present, and the biggest reason is because I have always told them the truth, just as I taught this to my children as well. They are also always honest with them. Of course things are said that are probably not always fun to hear, certainly not when it comes to blood relatives, but if these people are sincere and mean well with you, then they will sooner or later fully understand what happened.
My FIL just sent me the perfect message last week. I had a hard time because EXH was sending harsh messages again and I vented to FIL because I know I can and he wrote:
You know I will always be there for you and the kids. Please, do not respond to him. Let him go. The whole family knows that you have done everything in your power to be there for him. Choose for yourself now and don't let him manipulate you anymore, because that is what he is still doing in the end.
This is from his own father who is the most genuine person I have ever met. I send this to you because this also applies to you.
So El, you did well to vent, don't consider what will or won't be briefed to your STBX, you did what was necessary for you and that can only be a good thing.
