WW: "I'm not going to let you make me feel guilty"

[Valeska19]

So recent developments and sorry this is a bit long...

My daughter spent a week in hospital and I saw WW there. Obviously with emergencies, things can change but her attitude did not.

She told me she will "unblock my number" so for a short time we texted about the kids. One morning I was driving my kid to school and she said "Mommy doesn't like it when you talk to her cousin"

Her unblocking you for the kids sake makes sense.... Until you go ahead and do this.

I texted WW to tell her that my keeping in touch with this person has nothing to do with her and wasn't done to spite her or cause problems.

Another option would have been to just listen to your D. What was the point and taking your kid's comment and texting your XW? Seems like an emotional response here.

She wrote back and had the nerve to tell me that it hurts her when I talk to her cousin and crosses a boundary. I told her not to talk about herself and boundaries in the same sentence and I reminded her that she destroyed my relationship with her sister and another friend of the family.

She responded that "I had lost the respect of her sister and another friend even though they were the ones who aided and abetted her adultery and told her to cover her tracks, delete her emails etc.

There was nothing abusive or rude about the texts I send her. Her last text was "Good bye"

Really?
From the outside - it looks like you got angry and texted her. She got defensive. You continued to 'remind' her of all she did to you. You got triggered and took it out on her.. when this could have ALL been avoided by not engaging at all

I told her I would block her again and did. I also blocked her email. The only contact we have is through Google calendar which is solely used for the kids.

I can't imagine this will work long term.

Why should I have to lose my existing good relationships with ppl because WW dug a hole for herself?

Well honestly... because it comes with Divorce. D - Are you being honest with yourself? Because what you say ^^^ doesn't match the following.

Now this cousin of WW is much older, like 70. She always treats everyone the same and continued to reach out to me and ask me how I am, how are the kids etc. She is close to the kids and is upset that WW doesn't visit her with them.

If this is your TRUE reason then next time - try this.

"Wife. I understand that this may be difficult for you but cousin and the kids relationship is important to one another. Because of this - I will continue to take them to visit her."

This cousin always hosted parties at her house (pre pandemic) and would invite the whole family - for July 4th get togethers, New Year's Eve parties etc - in the last two years she realized that no one bothers with her or asks her how she is doing. As a result, she has stopped hosting parties and get togethers. She told me that WW and her sister don't bother with her and don't stay in touch.

If I'm in the neighborhood, I will occasionally stop by with the kids so they can still have that contact with family. Obviously I told the cousin that I could no longer attend family events since I am divorced but I'm ok with stopping by to check in on her.

[quote=Drh2001]Why should the kids be deprived of family? The eldest one said she misses her family in another state because WW had a falling out with her other relative because her relative disapproved of WW's adultery and her leaving me for another man.

Are you listening and validating their feelings?? Or are you trying to use it as ammo for something?

I wrote WW a final email telling her that if you can't take ownership, accountability and responsibility for what you have done, then I want nothing more to do with you and please don't ever contact me again..

This is NOT a boundary. You gave your wife an ultimatum. Another control tactic.

But neither will I just accept her decisions and her bad behavior because she still has that very resentful, disrespectful and rebellious attitude towards me.

She keeps saying what she has done is in the past and I should just move on and let it be but I told her I am living in the present with the consequences of what she has done in the past and they will reverberate into the future.

So I maintain no contact with exWW and that's just how I like it. I am slowly rebuilding my life and starting to get back into shape. It's a long process though.

D- I am reading so much hurt and anger in your post. No contact is probably good... but not because of her... but because you literally can't communicate with her w/o spewing your pain and hurt all over her.

No one says you have to put up with bad behavior... but you are trying to show her that versus just doing it regardless of what she thinks.

Stop punishing her and criticizing her. Life will do that all on its own and it doesn't need your help.