M40 couple of things. Home remodeling sure fits in my definition of GAL! Well done. It is amazing how doing something as simple (and relatively inexpensive) as painting can really do wonders! That is awesome.
I can understand (thought I can't personally relate) to the seeing the kids and grandkids being reminders. As you said, you are both sad. That could be a contributing factor obviously. Any thoughts on her sadness not being enough of a motivation to try to work things out? We recently had a debate on a similar topic in Scott's thread. It struck me when you said you were both sad because it kind of frustrates me. When a WAS has the power to right the ship, and despite sadness and misgivings continues to push forward for D, it always makes me wonder why? A lot of WASs are flawed human-beings looking for a quick fix to their unhappiness, and ending a MR is that quick fix. I have a theory that most WASs end up just as miserable post-D than they were pre-D. (NOTE: for you extremists out there I said MOST not ALL!)
Hang in there though M40, between working, spending time with the kids and grandkids, and the house remodeling I think you are doing a lot better than you think you are with GAL.
Remodeling is funny. One daughter is in her dark phase, and the other is the Mother phase. So they clash on ideas. Living room is going to be a welcoming, more manly, but not MAN Cave.. Light and beachy/nautical/barn if that makes sense. Grand kids, making a play room with chalk paint too....
Being sad is a phase, sometimes last for years. She and I both had relationships that hurt us bad, and it took quite a few years to recover. Different era in the 90s, not allot of help per say. Is she sad enough to right the ship, sure, its possible. Reality is more than likely not. She is a workaholic, a real one, and when she plans something she executes it. Her plan was to become self sufficient, aggressively get a retirement and pay off anew home she bought. That will take up 95% of her life. The other 5 % will be her Dad, Daughters, grand kids and sister. Her sister is in a band with her husband, and it gives her an out to relax, forget things.. We are all flawed, no in perfect. But, something in the back of peoples minds think there is perfection out there. Aww, the paradox of choices. I am not going to guess whether she is miserable. I would like to say I wish her to be very happy after us, as I dont hate her. But, I dont want to have to see her happy with someone else. Selfish, I know.
Big fan of rustic barn motif. In fact, I am getting ready to do a barnwood wall covering in my mancave. Just talked to a vendor about it the other day. Now I just need to get my friend who is a carpenter lined up to install it!
I do think that WAS are conflicted, I saw it in my own situation. I think there is a good chance that if my W was more of a go-getter in terms of life goals, etc, that we would have ended up D'd from this last situation. I think the combination of me working to remove the pain points in the marriage, combined with the energy required to put her preferred plan in action kind of got her to fall back into the comfortable rather than the disruptive. I have a lot to say on my theories as to why she eventually turned back to the marriage, but the reasons are very complex and involve almost innumerable factors. So that is for another day. But yes, that paradox they face is real. I like your attitude a lot that you wish her happiness in the future. And I think we all can relate with your feeling on not necessarily wanting to see her happy with someone else.
Good stuff M40.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
