WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont11.)

[SteveLW]

"A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time."

Wayfarer: I'm not saying that toxic relationships don't exsist, they surely do. But certain ideas become popular, show up everywhere and get overused.

Words matter (Brene Brown wrote an entire book because of this), and labeling something often allows you to categorize it, stamp it, and put it in its box. Rarely are things so simple. I think finding better words to describe a situation is healthy. Labels, like stereotypes, can be dangerous.

As for the annulment, Thanks BL42 - exactly true.

Regardless, I've found it helpful to walk through the paperwork. If I get denied, that's okay. I'll feel better for going through the process. I read the canon law on the subject and found several statutes that applied. I believe I counted seven. I've had friends get annulments, its more or less a function of doing the work.

Great outlook here Scott. Agree that real life is usually much more complex than the simple labels our human brains try to give things. I don't think WF is trying to say your marriage was toxic in the way that it was not able to be saved, and was a complete disaster. But that you ex-W probably viewed it as toxic to her. I believe two people can look at the same thing and see different things. That was one of the things I learned in both of my situations was that reality was less important as my WAW/WW's perspective. I know you know this but am pointing this out for any LBSs that might read this. If your WAS's perspective is that the MR is toxic, the fact that in reality is isn't doesn't matter.

Now, the fact that WASs convince themselves of these kinds of things to justify their own actions is another topic, one that has been discussed multiple times on this forum. But in general their perspective becomes their reality.