WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont11.)

[BL42]

wayfarer,

Just because you don't want something because it's toxic for everyone involved doesn't mean you can't be hurt that things didn't go as planned.

Wayfarer I understand in your first marriage your exh wasn't willing to change. In Scott's case he seemed to do everything possible including meeting with an author of a book. Is this a case of too little too late? So you are convinced this is best for everyone including the children?

A marriage that can't be repaired is either already toxic or will with absolute certainty will become toxic. And the longer one or both people hang on the more toxic it becomes.

Why is the assumption the marriage will always remain toxic? Isn't it the general consensus around here most marriages can be save if both parties are willing to work on it? My understanding is ScottB was willing whereas his now ExW ran off with another man. Not saying he's completely blameless in the marriage, but isn't she ultimately responsible for not coming to the table with him? And who is to say if she had come to the table with him it would've have potentially be a better result for their kids, him, and even her in the long run?

She cried because she was hurting. Because she's a human person and divorce is hard on everyone.

Completely agree here.

Taz,

Being catholic I have a question. Will they contact your XW before granting the Annulment or does only one need to apply? I think my wife intends to apply after the d is final. Just wondering if I will be subpoenaed during the process. I’m thinking if the church knows what I know they would have her committed.

ScottB may have more up to date info, but my understanding is both parties are asked to be a part of the process and if one party does not participate then only the filing party is granted the annulment. Granted it was decades ago but my uncle and aunt got divorced when I was young. It was scandalous at the time because no one in my family got divorced (guess I'm the scandalous one now!). Anyway, my uncle refused to participate in the process because his view is they absolutely did have a valid marriage for many years and it was silly to pretend otherwise. Anyway, my understanding was my ex-aunt (are they ex-aunts or just aunts?) was granted an annulment and my uncle was not because he did not participate/do the paperwork. How one of them was not in a valid marriage while the other one was is beyond me. At this point I'm leaning towards my uncle's view on the matter, though perhaps that'll change if I ever want to get married again.

ScottB,

So I started working through the annulment paperwork with the Catholic Church.

It will take me hours to complete properly but I’m already learning and seeing places where the marriage failed and where I failed in the marriage that I hadn’t recognized before and I wish I had.

Don't mean to dissuade you my uncle's/my views on the subject. I think it's great you're going through the process and glad to hear you're growing through it.

I believe in my heart that I will be a better dad going forward and a better partner for someone else.

There's no doubt. You're putting in the work and will be a better man for it.