#19 - Still working through Ring & Piecing

[BL42]

Maybe some still find it an find the plethora of information they are looking for and do not feel the need to register and post? I know we've had a lot of newcomers that have said in their first post that they had been lurking for a while. So maybe more people are trying to stay anonymous and take the readings they can do here and apply it to their situation.

It is a very common thing to see in an opening post. I did the same...certainly read a good bit before starting my own thread. I think it's natural to want to get a feel for the site and comfortable with it before sharing personal information, especially at a vulnerable time in our lives.

Unfortunately, most LBS that find their way here have already made the mistake of reacting emotionally for weeks and months.

I have a vague recollection of finding this site earlier on in my sitch not long after BD but then getting consumed with my day-to-day sitch. I "re-found" the site months later after consuming tons of other online resources and didn't start posting here until 5 months post-BD right around physical separation and D filing. I wish I had start a thread back in the beginning right when I found the forum initially. Not sure it would've changed the result with my marriage and the divorce, but do believe it would've sped up my strengthening and growth to move forward. I spun in a depression for several months as it was.

The honest answer is ------- this site has not grown.

You tube videos out there of Michele are old and out dated. She has no new presence. What she offers is her personal opinion and what has worked for some couples.

I'm not dissing Michele and her information. It is valuable. But, if you look at the decline of this site is because little new information is being fed into it. If Michele herself cannot free her time for a little attention to the board what about her coaches?

Unless new energy and blood is not pumped into this site it will continue to hover on life support.

KitCat is right. Engagement and fresh content by the founder and associated coaches would lead to more traffic here, and that ties back into my comment on SEO...for whatever reason the investment isn't there to promote the resource as much as it used to be promoted and as much as other sites are.

I do remember from my website marketing days that if you aren't in the first few hits, especially the first page of hits, then you will get very little traffic from the search indexing sites.

That's certainly true in many cases. I think in my case after BD I delved through multiple pages of search results with many different search parameters to find any and all resources that might make a difference, so some will do that, but certainly the top few or first page of results are going to get the bulk of the traffic.

As an example, the two responses below convey the same message but the way it is delivered is different.

It is not about the lack of ability of the person to take 2x4s that are dished out to them. It is about YOU making them trust that 'YOU understand their sitch'. If the person feels you get their sitch, they will be receptive to your advice. If not, they will think you are repeating 'one size fits all' advice and tune you out.

I agree w/MLCxH here. It's not that you shouldn't be honest or blunt but there's certainly a way to make the same point in a more caring and empathetic way which would be received better. You can deliver a message without being cringeworthy. Sometimes two posters make the same underlining point in a thread but I can see why one is received openly but the other feels like a personal attack.

One point stood out to me as I read this. We all know that this is a crisis of the WAS and not the LBS. The LBS can only do things to prevent things from getting worse and more importantly focus on their own healing and moving forward. An LBS could do all the right things and the WAS may not care. On the other hand, an LBS could do all the wrong things and the WAS may choose to R.

Yet, there is a lot of cognitive bias in the forum that suggests that actions an LBS took helped with 'turning around situations'. Success or failure does not mean a particular approach is correct and it is important to remember that when we try to relate others' sitch to our own. More often than not, it is out of the hands of the LBS, which is why most of the advice is on self care and healing.

Good post!