all I see is the destruction of our dreams together.
I know this is hard to see, but I want you to think of this as an opportunity to create a great new future for yourself.
In my case, my ex left after 26 years when I was in my early 50's. I "lost" the future I had envisioned with my ex, traveling together, retiring at 64 me/ 60 him, etc.
What did I gain? Multiple foreign trips with my mom and sister that made memories I treasure now that my mom has passed. My ex would have probably complained about me going on these girls' trips.
I gained a new skill - I now play drums and vibraphone and glockenspiel, have playing in a pop punk cover band, have toured with a friend who is a professional singer/songwriter, and in 2018 got to play in a concert in central park that was a tribute to Greenwich Village musicians of the 60's - hanging out backstage with John Sebastian of the Loving Spoonful, Jose Feliciano, Marshal Crenshaw, and many other famous musicians was a gas!
I'm still working and won't retire early, but my I live within my means, will be reasonably comfortable in retirement, and don't have to cope with unexpected large expenses by my ex.
I've dated several men, all of whom treated me better than my ex. Although I didn't find a lifelong mate (closest was my last boyfriend, who loved me dearly and died of lung cancer - he wasn't my ideal mate but in an imperfect world, he may have come closest of anyone I've been with ). I now look at men as the icing on the cake, not the cake.
If my ex had stayed? I would have had to deal with his erratic behavior, financial irresponsibility, critical nature, and probable eventual dementia (he had several bad concussions when he was younger).
I'm surprised to say this now, as I fought so hard for my marriage, but I'm happy to be free of him. I've had adventures I wouldn't have had if I'd stayed with him, I'm no longer being dragged down by the need to keep him happy and stable.
